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(Spoiler alert: No meds were involved.)
Anxiety. Stress. Even depression.
We’ve all dealt with it. Life is challenging sometimes. Often (unfortunately) our culture is quick to hand out medication rather than deal with the actual root of what’s causing the problem.
Like most people, I’ve struggled with anxiety during difficult seasons of my life. I can think of at least six different times where my anxiety was so intense, that I felt like I was literally drowning. There was a weight on my shoulders that I could physically feel. But all six of those times, I knew in my heart that there was a way out… and it didn’t require medication.
It feels incredibly vulnerable to share the things I’m going to talk about next, but as I’ve said before “No one enjoys talking about the junk in their past, but if that’s what it takes for even one person to achieve breakthrough in their life, then I will gladly step into that discomfort. I’ll do it again and again.” (KatieHedrick.com/MyStory)
Season ONE: Relationship Anxiety
More than once I’ve struggled with relationship anxiety, sometimes within my own family.
When conflict would arise, instead of dealing with the issue I would stay silent. I would let cutting words soak into my mind and my soul, causing mental and emotional pain that ran deep. I would convince myself that things would magically get better, or even worse, convince myself that “this was just the way it would be.”
I’m a people pleaser, so naturally, I never wanted to confront the person who was making me feel “less than.”
The problem is that relationship anxiety was slowly killing me from the inside out.
I didn’t totally understand it and I sure as heck didn’t know how to deal with it.
Digger deeper revealed the roof of the problem: I was unaccepted.
Knowing that I was not accepted for who I was cut like a knife, but it also helped me move forward (and out of the anxiety).
How I beat Relationship Anxiety:
I followed the advice written in the ultimate book of truths. I turned my thoughts to what was good and pure and true (Philippians 4:8). And that was this… I had a Heavenly Father who loved and accepted me. That was all that really mattered and it changed the game.
Season Two: Financial Anxiety
My husband and I walked through a season so full of financial anxiety that it almost destroyed our marriage. (You can read the full story here.)
One single business decision left us stripped of all the (physical) things we held dear. Worry about how we would keep our utilities on and pay for groceries was our stark reality.
I sometimes struggled to breathe. It felt like I was under the waves of the ocean, trying to come up for air, but something kept pushing me back down. I knew there had to be a way out, but figuring it out was too overwhelming, so instead I emotionally and mentally checked out.
Then my husband stepped up. He called me out in loving truth and reminded me that we could and would get through that season, as long as we stuck it out together. It was the gentle push I needed to get back in the game and start problem-solving, instead of playing the victim.
How I beat Financial Anxiety:
First, I considered Matthew 6:26-27 “Look at the birds of the air… your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”
In other words, I needed to stress less. Also, it was time to work on some simple, obvious changes, like getting more disciplined and strategic in the way we spent the money that we did have. We got out of the financial nightmare and back on our feet one step forward at a time.
Season Three: Overwhelm Anxiety
Because I’m a people pleaser, I spent years saying “yes” to every request that came my way. Often times, that meant putting my family and myself last, after everything and everyone else were taken care of. I would fall into bed at night, exhausted, with nothing left of me to give to the people who I loved the most.
Something had to change.
And change it did.
I seriously considered this question: What does my ideal life look like?
I got super specific and actually listed my answer out on a piece of paper, detailing how and where my time would best be spent.
Then….
I learned how to say NO to the things that were not in line with my ideal life.
How I beat Overwhelm Anxiety:
Everything changed when I learned how to say NO. The anxiety? It released.
With practice, I’ve actually gotten really good at saying NO, so much so that people make comments like “You’re really good at saying NO. I should learn how to do that too.”
Yes, you should, sister!
I believe in this so much that I created a resource to help you map out your ideal life, as well as learn how to say NO (with grace and honor) when you need to. You can download it here for free!
Season Four: Health Anxiety
For me, walking through health anxiety was more painful mentally and emotionally, than physically.
I’ve rarely shared this publicly, but here’s the wild truth…
There was a time in my life where I thought I was dying.
A well-known singer died after a short battle with cancer and she left behind an 18-month-old baby. My three kids were super young when it happened and all the media coverage of the singer’s death triggered something deep and dark inside my brain.
What if I died and left behind my three kids with no mom?
I couldn’t stand the thought, yet it entirely, obsessively consumed me.
I worried myself sick, literally. I would find the smallest thing that felt “off” in my body (you can read about some of those things here). Then, my mind would run crazy with the possibility of all the bad things it could be.
It was a downward spiral that wouldn’t stop. I cried at night as I played out my own funeral in my head and pictured my kids there.
It was awful and morbid.
The way I finally crawled out of that season of anxiety was so simple, that it was almost hard, but it worked…
How I beat Health Anxiety:
Once again, I turned to the Biblical wisdom that had been planted in my heart over the years.
Deep down, I knew the answer was to cast my anxiety to the one who created me (1 Peter 5:7). And then fully believe and proclaim that God had a plan for my future, and my kids’ future that was good (Jeremiah 29:11).
It required trusting that God could handle all the things that were out of my control. When I fully handed over the reins, my anxiety left and my health was completely restored.
(To clarify the above, I was not afraid of “dying” but rather, of leaving my kids behind without their mom. I know where I’m going and I have no fear of death. In fact, I have a deep peace about it.
Death is inevitable. It’s going to happen to all of us. But we can have LIFE beyond death when we accept Jesus Christ as our personal savior. He alone is the bridge to total peace and eternal life!)
Season Five: Perfectionist Anxiety
Confession: I am a perfectionist from way back.
Let me set the stage…
When I was a little girl, I took ballet lessons. I loved the lessons. In fact, I still love to dance. But when it would come time to get on stage and perform in an actual recital, I was terrified. I remember a sick feeling in my stomach. I was so afraid I was going to mess up. It wasn’t going to be perfect.
Later in elementary school, I played softball. The older I got, the more paralyzed I felt out on the field. People were watching. What if I made an error? What if I struck out? Though I never told anyone, I often dreaded stepping onto the field.
In high school and college, it was public speaking class. Holy terror. It was the worse of the worst. There was no way around it. Every time it was my turn to give a speech, I would walk to the front of the room, trembling the whole way. I’d sweat profusely. My hands would turn ice cold. And…. my entire chest and neck would break out in hives.
Throughout my years of #WifeLife (read this if you’re juggling all the balls of life and dropping some) and #MomLife (read this if you feel like a “Mom failure”), there have been many occasions where I felt like a failure. Playing the comparison game and scrolling through social media highlights often left me swimming in anxiety.
Somehow… in all those situations, I made it out alive. But I messed up a lot. I made errors. I stumbled over my words. I dropped the ball.
But something shocking happened during those hard moments…
I grew. I got better. I improved.
I grew and grew and grew.
How I beat Perfectionist Anxiety:
I learned, over time that growth trumps perfection.
In the beginning, I stepped into the things that scared me because I felt like I had to. But now….
I step into the things that scare me because I WANT to. Public speaking still makes me sweat bullets, so I do it often. I feel myself grow every time I step down from the front of a room or end a conference call.
I crave growth. I seek the wisdom that will be gleaned from the mistakes I WILL make.
Although I still do things to the best of my ability, I’m realistic in knowing that perfection is not achievable. But GROWTH? Yeah, buddy. Growth is where it’s at.
If you’re not moving forward because you feel shackled with the fear of failure or paralyzed with the thought of the unknown outcome, MOVE forward anyway. You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward!
There’s really only one way out of Perfectionist Anxiety: Do the thing that you’re scared of, mess up, grow forward and try again. Growth will always trump perfection.
Season Six: Imposter Syndrome Anxiety
Only recently did this type of anxiety come rearing its ugly head.
A few weeks back, our flight from Florida to Iowa got delayed because of the crazy midwest weather, so we ended up hanging out in Hollywood (Florida) for the day. We were checking out the beachside Broadwalk (slightly different than a Boardwalk) and we stopped at a great little open-air restaurant called The Taco Spot. While waiting for our guac and shrimp tacos to arrive, there was ample time to people watch.
I watched as people of every color, background, shape and sized walked by. It was like a real-life picture of exactly how many people are in the world… TONS.
It made me realize how different we all are. It also got me feeling, well…. a bit self-conscious, unqualified and rather small in the grand scheme of things.
Thoughts rolled through my mind that I had never thought before…
“Who am I to think I have something to offer these people?”
“I’m just a small town, Midwest girl.”
“What could anyone possibly learn from me? These people live in a whole different world with a totally different way of life!”
I began to voice my concerns to my husband, who then reminded me of a beautiful truth and nipped the anxiety in the bud before it festered and grew.
How I beat Imposter Syndrome Anxiety:
“If God called you to share Biblical wisdom, Kate, then he’s equipped you to succeed at it. Shake off the imposter syndrome. Your story is powerful and you have something that everyone is looking for. You know the secret to genuine happiness. Keep shining the light of Jesus,” my husband, Chad said.
(Okay, first of all, #swoon. He’s a keeper. Also, we’ve discovered some keys to unlocking a successful marriage. Click here to read more on that.)
The definition of Imposter Syndrome is “a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters‘ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.”
Whoa. Bingo.
God had used a postponed flight to reveal to me a limiting belief that I didn’t even know I had!
Have you ever felt the way I did that day? Unqualified, unworthy, self-doubting?
Let me repeat this truth for you, dear friend: God has equipped you to succeed at everything He’s called you to do! With Him beside you, you can do ALL things (Philippians 4:13). You absolutely have something to offer the world and ONLY YOU can deliver it in your unique way.
The truth about anxiety:
Anxiety is nothing more than us buying into the lie that we should be afraid. Tell the fear to go back to hell where it came from, and turn your thoughts to what is good and pure and TRUE.
The truth is that anxiety and fear do not come from God. In contrast, the Bible says that God designed us to be courageous, so much so that He equipped us with a spirit of power, love and self–control (2 Timothy 1:7).
Anxiety has no place, and serves no purpose in your life, other than this awesome fact: God will use your story one day to change someone else’s life. When that happens, you’ll be able to share the truth about anxiety with them and you’ll smile remembering how you battled and beat anxiety in your life.
You are NOT what others say or think about you. You are who GOD says you are! Download The Happiness Memorandum for Free. It’s a step forward in truth, defining who we are in Christ and declaring that we have the power to choose what our life looks like, every single day. It’s a beautiful one-page printable and you can grab it for FREE here!
Looking for some great books to grow your mindset? Grab the FREEBIE {10 Great Reads} for a printable list of book recommendations that you’ll love!
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