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I remember the day well.
We sat in our pre-marriage counseling session all starry-eyed, as we thought about our upcoming wedding. I nestled in happily beside my future husband, as I looked across the desk at our pastor. There was only one nervous thought running through my mind. “What if he asks me a question that I don’t know the answer to?”
I started to feel clammy as the session began.
Our pastor smiled, looked and me and asked me very simply, “Katie, why do you want to marry Chad?”
“Well…” (I could already hear myself stuttering and feel myself sweating.)
“We’re compatible,” I blurted out. Then I went on to list allllll the things I liked about Chad and why I thought we were great together.
….Our personalities were a compliment, we found each other attractive (seriously, his blue eyes and gorgeous biceps though!), we both loved to have fun, there was a risky side to both of us, we each had business experience and life experience, we were ready to be married, on and on and on…
My mind raced when I had exhausted all of those thoughts, so I started reciting scripture about marriage. I wondered if I had said the “right answer” yet. I also wondered why in the heck I’d been tossed the first question instead of Chad.
Finally, when I felt worried and frustrated and like I had already set our marriage up for disaster by giving the wrong answer somehow, I ended with the obvious “Pastor Jay, I love him.”
A great big smile spread across our pastor’s face, as he asked Chad the same question. “Chad, why do you want to marry this beautiful girl?”
“Because I love her,” Chad stated simply.
My eyes got really big as I sat there stunned.
“That’s all I needed to hear,” our pastor said with another big, warm smile.
We went on to discuss a minimal amount of other things and then…
Our pre-marriage counseling session was done.
Love, plain and simple. It’s the answer. It’s everything.
I have never forgotten that simple, yet powerful meeting that took place just days before our wedding.
(By the way, if you love a good romantic story, you can check out our full love story and hear about how we met each other on a cruise ship one episode back!)
So now we’re closing in on 15 years of marriage but I have to confess: I’m a crappy wife sometimes.
I bet you didn’t tune in today expecting to hear that statement!
I remember one day when my husband and I were in the car together, just the two of us. I was frustrated (about something stupid) and man, I just let him have it… He let me go on and on for a shockingly long time and then he simply said “do you realize you just told me every single thing that I‘m doing wrong?“
**Cue the huge lump in my throat**
I was shocked, and totally embarrassed by what I had just done. If he had talked to me that way, there’s ZERO chance I would have sat there in silence.
I was acting like a total jerk and fool, pointing one finger at my husband while I had many more fingers pointing right back at myself.
It’s true. Me, the usually happy chick can be a crappy wife sometimes. And honestly, I can be hard to love once in a while. Do you relate?
My husband, though, bless his soul has stood beside me through every up and down that life has thrown our way. He shows me grace and forgiveness, time and time again, even when I don’t deserve it. He works hard to provide for our family, plays with the kids, often does the dishes, takes out the trash, listens to my crazy ideas, hugs me when I need it most and so much more.
Cheers for awesome husbands, right?! In fact, let’s just dedicate this episode to all the good men out there who are living and loving well. To the husbands who are sacrificing and working hard to make sure the needs of their wives and families are met. Husbands, what you do matters. Thank you!
So… What exactly is love?
Let’s turn to the love chapter in the Bible to find out. You’ve probably heard this read at weddings before and for good reason, it’s worth studying. You guessed it… it’s 1 Corinthians 13.
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Have you noticed a theme here? Love is everything. It’s important. It’s pure, it’s true. It’s not self-serving. Love…. Is sacrificial. It means putting other’s needs ahead of your own.
Let’s read part of that again.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I think back to all the times…
that my husband and I were in the hospital during the births of our three kiddos. (I’m not kidding, I really do have the best husband.) Chad never left my side. He stayed awake with me for endless hours, he prayed with me, and he was fervently attentive to my needs during the most painful moments of my life.
After our second child was born, I passed out from the pain. Not from the pain of giving birth, actually, but from the pain of an attempted epidural that had gone horribly wrong. The anesthesiologist had made seven attempts as he pricked my back over and over, and then finally, he gave up.
I was left with an epidural that was only effective on half of my body. I also had tremendous pain in my spine and an excruciating spinal headache. Seriously… I really can’t even describe the pain I felt. (Side note: our third child was born completely natural with no epidural. In my opinion, that’s definitely the way to go.)
The story gets even crazier because simultaneously, as I was dealing with the pain and the spinal headache there was a tornado happening nearby the hospital. The nurses were frantically wheeling all of us new mamas into the hallways of the hospital, away from all the big, glass windows. The moments that followed are a blur. Swirling lights, searing pain, emotions, hormones… trying to breastfeed. Yep, that’s motherhood in a nutshell. Am I right?!
When things finally settled down and it was just my husband, myself, and our new baby boy back in the hospital room that evening, the hospital served us a “celebration dinner.”
I was still experiencing pain in my head, neck and spine and there was no way I could sit up to “celebrate,” let alone feed myself. So my husband, without my asking began to feed me little bites of steak and shrimp, carefully bending over the hospital bed and twisting back to the plate of food after each bite. It was a small thing, but it felt like a huge thing to me as I savored each bite… the first bites of food I’d had in over 24 hours.
It was kind. It was loving. It was sacrificial. I remember saying to him “I’ve never loved you more than I love you right now. Thank you.”
Seriously, it was 100% romantic.
Though I want to make it clear that romance and passion aren’t the most important things, I will acknowledge that our marriage has always been laced with them.
Someone one described our relationship as “intoxicating.” Don’t get me wrong… we have as many disagreements over stupid things as the next couple but, like I’ve said before, our marriage is a three strand chord which is not easily broken. With my best friend, Chad, my soul mate, Jesus, myself and the power of forgiveness in the equation, our marriage is sweet and strong. And yes, you could even say it’s “intoxicating.”
By the way, if you are totally into steamy romance, check out the book Song of Songs in the Bible. Holy passion!
Anyway, to cool you down in a hot minute, check out this next story… One time I was tossing a bag of trash into the dumpster and the lid fell shut on my hand. It hit me directly on my right ring finger, where I wore a ruby ring that was one of my favorite pieces of jewelry. Would you believe that the stone popped right out?! I stood in silence and disbelief, feeling so dang sad.
I walked into the house and began crying, as I told Chad what had just happened.
What my husband did next is the sweetest and grossest thing known to mankind.
He went out to the trash can and I kid you not, he began dumpster diving, like literally digging through a week’s worth of trash looking for the ruby.
Keep in mind our kids were babies at the time, so digging through a week’s worth of dirty diapers in the summertime?… Marinate on that for just a second.
Though the ruby wasn’t found, the fact that my husband went dumpster diving in an attempt to find it? That was sacrificial love.
It didn’t and doesn’t end there… The way my husband lets me take bites off his plate whenever my heart desires… sacrificial love.
When he gets up with our kiddos in the middle of the night… sacrificial love.
My love language is acts of service. (Which, if you don’t know what I’m talking about be sure to check out the book The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Whether you’re married or not, it will help you improve all relationships in your life.)
So a lot of the things my husband does look like acts of service, but they are always done how? Sacrificially. He puts my needs ahead of his own.
Now, as much as my husband loves me, there is an even greater, deeper love. It’s the love that God, the Good Father has for you and me.
As much as your family, your dad, your spouse loves you, imaging a love that is even bigger, even purer, the MOST sacrificial. It’s called “agape love.” Agape love is the highest, purest, most selfless form of love.
The Bible says that God showed his love for us in this way: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
God, who created you, has agape love for you. He actually sent down his only Son, a part of himself, to die in your place as a living sacrifice for your freedom. Friend, that’s LOVE!!
Like… picture this. God the Father calls you his masterpiece, wonderful, uniquely made, chosen, beloved. He literally DIED. FOR. YOU. Can you even get your head around that?
Marinate in that.
Someone loves you so much that they died for you. Jesus laid down his life for you. That is deeeeeep, rich, pure, agape love. So good!!!
Back to love, here on earth, amongst humans.
You heard me sum up love like this… Love is putting others’ needs ahead of your own.
So we’ve covered what love is, and I’ve shared a lot about receiving love. Now let’s shift gears and talk about how we, as women can SHOW love?
Let’s take a look at Proverbs 31, verses 10-31.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Let’s dig a little deeper into that…
What is the Proverbs 31 woman doing here in this passage? How is she showing love to her family?
She is serving. She is working. She’s carrying out acts of service. She’s sacrificing.
Check out these parts of the passage:
She gets up while it is still night; (sacrifice)
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
She sets about her work vigorously; (sacrifice)
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy. (sacrifice)
The Proverbs 31 woman is putting others’ needs ahead of her own!
Here’s what I love about this… the Proverbs 31 woman shows sacrificial love through a servant’s heart and here’s what is soooo cool!
Jesus also showed love with a servant’s heart!
(Matthew 20:28) For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but TO serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.
Let’s look at the example from the last supper. Jesus poured water into a basin and then proceeded to wash the feet of his disciples. He didn’t have to do that! That was an act of service which servants did for their masters. Even the disciples were like “Jesus, what are you doing?!” Yet he continued to wash their feet. When that was finished, Jesus told his disciples to go out and do the same for others!
(John 13:12-17) When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
Jesus is saying “go out and serve and show love in a sacrificial and humble way, just as I’ve shown you and you will in turn be blessed for it.” So good! So, so good!
Okay… I have to circle back to my husband and share with you three more quick, sweet examples of times that my husband loved me in a sacrificial way.
It’s three different times when he carried me, literally…
My husband and I are adventure seekers. Him more so than me. He’s pretty good about pushing, pulling and dragging me outside of my comfort zone! On our 10th anniversary, we took the most incredible trip and we were hiking in the Smoky Mountains. We were climbing to the top of Clingman’s Dome, the highest mountain in the Smoky Mountains National Park (and the highest point in the entire state of Tennessee, actually) to get a bird’s eye view of the beauty around us.
Half way up the trail, I was dying. My entire body ached. I was dripping with sweat in the sweltering summer heat. I wanted to quit, give up, turn around. I was like “I’m done.”
In my weakness, my husband told me to jump on his back. I laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding,” I told him. He was like “no seriously, get on my back. I’ll carry you.”
I was half laughing and half crying as my husband literally carried me the rest of the way to the top of the mountain. The view at the top was breathtaking and we were there together, all because my husband chose to love me in a sacrificial way.
On another adventure, we were swimming through an underground river in Mexico. Let me tell you, Katie Hedrick does not do dark or creepy and definitely not dark, creepy AND water at the same time.
But there we were, having this cool experience and I was totally freaked out. I was so dang scared!
Once again my husband drew me close and told me to climb on his back so he could carry me. We swam the remainder of the river with me on his back, resting in the peace of his protection.
And then, a few summers back we took the kids to a local state park to see the largest Sycamore tree in the entire state of Iowa. Getting to it required hiking wayyyyy off the beaten path.
After a good hour of trekking through weeds, thorn bushes, mosquitoes and other annoying insects, our entire family of 5 was both excited to see the giant Sycamore tree within our sight, yet equally dismayed to discover there had been massive flooding in the area where the tree stood. A gushing, rushing creek full of dirty overflow water spanning 12 foot wide was blocking the path over to the Sycamore tree. Crossing it would be potentially dangerous, at least for our three kids who had short, little legs at the time.
Well, at this point I’m sure you can guess what my husband did next. One by one, he carried our kids across the water and dropped them safely on the other side. When he crossed the water back to me, I was laughing imagining how, if we crossed the water with me on his back, he’d surely sink down into the squishy, disgusting mud underneath and we’d both drown in the process. (Ha!)
“Climb on,” he laughingly told me. So I did and off we went. My daughter, safely on the other side laughed and took pictures and videos of the chaos that ensued. We got halfway across the flooded creek, when Chad sunk deep into squishy mud. He tripped and grabbed hold of a nearby log. I screamed and I laughed and then the butt of my jeans grazed the roaring water, but somehow miraculously Chad managed to keep us both upright and got us safely across to the other side. We laughed until it hurt, then we went and checked out the Sycamore tree. Our entire family fit inside of it. We took pictures, of course! It’s a day we’ll never forget.
Aren’t those moments so representative of the way our Heavenly Father carries us…
when we are weak, scared or in danger. He loves us and holds us tenderly, carefully, lovingly, sacrificially.
My husband sacrifices his own comfort time and time again, to put my needs ahead of his own. He shows me through the way he lives just how deeply and wonderfully we can love others right here and right now. It’s a beautiful example.
I’ll end the podcast today by saying this:
Dear Husband,
I know you love me, because you love me in the sacrificial way that God tells us to love. Thank you for that.
