Mom Anger, Muddy Shoes, and Crockpot Dinners: Our First MomVersation
Every mom needs adult conversation. When my kids were tiny and Chad was gone working all day, I remember getting to suppertime practically starving for it. Just one grown-up to talk to. Ideally another mom who gets it.
That craving is where the MomVersation was born. It’s a new kind of episode on the podcast: real moms, real talk, a few laughs, and maybe a few tears. And when I started dreaming it up, one person came to mind before anyone else. My sister, Dori Colborn.
Dori has been on the show more times than either of us can count. These days I have three kids who are basically all teenagers, and Dori has four girls born in four years, ages almost four through eight. Different seasons, same need for a good mom friend.
Here’s the funny part. Most of what we ended up talking about came out of one single day last week. One ordinary, slightly chaotic day in both of our homes. (And then, a few days later, right before we hit record, Dori added one more story to the pile. More on that in a minute.)
Five Years Later, Still Learning About Mom Anger
Five years ago, Dori and I recorded episode 120, a deep dive into mom anger. She had three kids ages three and under at the time. She went back and listened to it before we recorded, and it was a sweet reminder of how hard that season of little littles really is.
Now her youngest is three, and she can finally breathe a little. She can hand her girls real responsibility and trust them to do it. Maybe not perfectly, but she doesn’t carry every single thing on her own shoulders anymore.
In that old episode, we talked about identifying your triggers. Back then, Dori’s biggest one was her kids not listening. Since then, she’s noticed a couple more:
- Being in a hurry. “We leave in five minutes. GET YOUR SHOES ON.” Who hasn’t been there?
- Being interrupted. Dori worked a part-time job from home for four years, and she learned that being interrupted in the middle of something time-sensitive sends her straight into overwhelm.
But the biggest shift for her wasn’t about triggers at all. It was spiritual. She’s come to realize that her kids aren’t the reason she gets angry. Those emotions are already inside of her, and she’s the only one who can choose how she reacts.
One day, frustrated over a mess, she told her girls, “You guys are making me so frustrated.” Her oldest looked up at her and asked, “I’m making you frustrated? What I’m doing is doing that to you?”
Out of the mouths of babes.
If you’ve ever thought you were the only mom yelling about shoes, or the only one whose entire family pops into the bathroom while you’re trying to take a shower, take heart. You’re not the only one. We are all in this together.
Walking With the Spirit
Dori shared something from her pastor’s sermon the morning we recorded: we grow in the fruit of the Spirit by walking with the Spirit. When you’re in your Bible, praying, and talking to Him all throughout your day, He helps you. He shows you what you need to learn, and He shapes you to be more like Christ.
I’ll be honest. I let life take over way too often. And I can always tell when I’m unplugged. When I feel off, I usually know exactly why: I’ve let other things steal the time I should be spending with my Father. We need that time. It’s how our cups get filled.
Dori recently made a bookmark with simple Bible study questions on it, and I love it so much. If you want a plan for your quiet time, try these:
- Observe. Read the passage.
- Understand. What does it mean?
- Connect. What does it reveal about God’s character?
- Apply. How should I respond to this?
- Remember. How will I carry this passage into my life?
If you don’t know where to start, try reading one chapter of Proverbs a day. Highlight, take notes, write the verses out, or read along with a friend for accountability. Whatever helps God’s Word really sink in.
The Muddy Shoes
Of course, I had to ask Dori what happened while she was getting ready to record that day.
To prep for our conversation (which was partly about keeping a clean house), she set a 25-minute timer and put every single person in her family to work cleaning. The house looked great.
Then she set up on her bed to record, propped her husband’s tablet up on a mountain of pillows, and realized it wasn’t tall enough. So she grabbed a laundry basket to set it on.
Wrong basket. That one was full of muddy shoes. She dumped every one of them right onto her bed.
If that isn’t a picture of motherhood, I don’t know what is. And Dori just laughed it off, the way she always does. My sister has one of the best outlooks on life of anyone I know.
My Not-So-Finest Hour
My own bad day, a few days earlier, was not so lighthearted.
We’d finished homeschool that morning and were driving to piano lessons. All three kids were bickering in the backseat, and one of them accused me of being harder on them than on anybody else.
I lost it. In my yelling voice, I told them I didn’t need any help feeling like a failure of a mom.
As soon as the words were out, I started replaying them. I knew I shouldn’t have said it. I was laying the blame on my kids, when really, I wasn’t dealing with what was going on in my own heart.
And the day kept spiraling.
Later, Chad took the kids to town, and I had the house to myself (which almost never happens). So naturally, I went into full project mode. On our big trip out East, we’d bought Columbia coats for the whole family because (planner that I am) I didn’t pack enough warm clothes. They’re super warm, but not waterproof. So I washed all five coats in a special soap, hung them on the line, sprayed them with waterproofing spray, and hung them on the laundry room shelf.
Then I ran to the bathroom and heard a GIANT thud.
The shelf had ripped right out of the drywall. Drywall dust was everywhere, and it was stuck to every single wet coat. I went full “mom-bie” mode. Sweaty, furious, and mad at the entire family.
Except the family wasn’t even home.
(For the record, I hauled all five coats back outside and blasted them with Chad’s leaf blower. The dust didn’t budge. A pile of towels finally got them clean, and yes, they are now waterproof. Chad fixed the shelf with bigger drywall anchors, and I will never put that much weight on it again.)
Tell Yourself the Truth
Here’s what both of those moments taught me.
When anger shows up, you have to find the root of it and tell yourself the truth. Yes, my kids were bickering, and yes, that needed to be dealt with. But snapping “I don’t need help feeling like a failure” came from somewhere inside me. And that laundry room disaster was nobody’s fault but my own.
It makes zero sense to lash out at your family when the anger is yours to deal with.
Dori put it so well. All of this goes back to the Fall. Every one of us battles a sinful nature, whether it shows up as anger, anxiety, overwhelm, jealousy, or gossip. We’ll keep fighting those things until Jesus comes back. We’ll never be perfect. But with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can get better.
And we can apologize.
When you blow it with your kids, go to them. Tell them, “Hey, I messed up. Maybe there are things we still need to talk about, and maybe there’s even a consequence for what happened. But me screaming at you was on me. It wasn’t okay. I’m really sorry, and I’m asking you to forgive me.”
That matters more than we realize. Your kids need to know you’re not perfect, so they never feel like they have to be. You set the tone in your home, and they’re watching all of it. Your anger, yes. But also your repentance, your grace, and your forgiveness.
Power Tool Mama
In the middle of my disaster of a day, I got a Snapchat from Dori. She had a jigsaw out and was patching a hole in the bottom of her chicken coop.
When Dori started homeschooling, one of her goals was to learn new things right alongside her girls, power tools included. So she cut a piece of plywood to cover the hole. It wasn’t square, and it wasn’t pretty. But it fit, and she didn’t have to ask anybody for help.
Meanwhile, cutting wood with a power tool is honestly one of my biggest fears in life. My approach is basically, “My husband is very handy, therefore I am not.” (The leaf blower is the one exception. I am the queen of the leaf blower.)
Dori says power tools are a lot like riding a horse. It’s scary at first, and then you feel powerful. She grew up watching our dad, her husband David is handy too, and she loves a good DIY makeover video. She’s just a figure-outer.
Her tips if you want to try:
- Find a creative outlet that helps you blow off steam. The other day, Dori got frustrated and told David, “I’m going outside. I need to go sand something.” And it helped! (When I’m frustrated, I drive to town for a coffee. To each her own.)
- Watch for tool deals. Dori says Lowe’s sometimes runs promotions where you get a free tool with a purchase. When David buys something, she just asks if she can have the extra one.
The Broken Egg
I could not let Dori leave without telling the egg story.
Their family just got chickens again, and the girls were thrilled to find their first egg in the coop. They built it a little nest out in the yard. Then six-year-old Dixie announced that eggs need to stay warm, so five-year-old Diana should sit on it.
So Diana sat on the egg. And the egg broke.
Diana is Dori’s sensitive one, and she was heartbroken. Dori was trying so hard to comfort her while also trying not to laugh. Those girls are little scientists, always exploring ideas, and they were sure they could hatch it if they took turns keeping it warm. (Lately they’re into snails. Dori finds them in her bathroom sink.)
Our Favorite Easy Crockpot Dinners
The very last thing that happened that day? When I called Dori to plan this episode, I told her I had dinner in the Crockpot. She said, “No way, me too.”
Here’s Dori’s wisdom on dinner: you have to think about it at some point anyway, so decide in the morning. That gives you time to set out the meat, and if it can go in the Crockpot, why not?
Dori’s Loaded Baked Potato Soup
Southern-style hash browns, cream cheese, cream of chicken soup, and chicken broth. Cook on low for about six hours, then top with bacon and cheese.
My Three-Ingredient(ish) Crockpot Meals
- Italian Beef: Put any good beef roast (chuck or arm roast works great) in the Crockpot with about a cup of water. Cook on low for 8 to 12 hours, depending on size, until it shreds with a fork. Drain the water, shred the meat, and stir in one packet of Italian seasoning and half a jar of banana peppers with the juice. Serve on buns with provolone.
- Salsa Steak: The easiest recipe you’ll ever make. Put a beef roast (I like sirloin tip) in the Crockpot, dump a whole jar of salsa on top, cook on low for 8 to 12 hours, and shred. Roll it up in a tortilla with shredded cheese and sour cream, or eat it plain.
- Chicken Bacon Ranch: Chicken breasts, one package of cream cheese, and half to a full packet of dry ranch mix. Cook on high for three hours, then shred it right in the Crockpot with a handheld mixer. Top with cooked, crumbled bacon and serve on Hawaiian buns.
More Make-Ahead Ideas
- Freeze casseroles in bulk. I’ll cook up nine pounds of ground beef and make three casseroles at once for the freezer.
- Batch grill on the weekend. One Sunday afternoon on the Blackstone (smash burgers, shrimp, chicken, brats) covers lunches for the whole week.
- Freeze leftovers right away. Dori’s family isn’t big on leftovers, so she freezes them immediately. That roast she microwaved the other night? She made it in September. Thank you, past self!
- Brown ground beef in the Crockpot. Cook it on low, break it up every so often, and drain the grease. It’s the easiest, least messy way to make a big batch for a taco night or family party. (Dori once had to cook 70 pounds of beef after her freezer died. She does not recommend it.)
And Dori’s rule of thumb, which might be my new life motto: use the Crockpot for dinner, so you have more time for power tools in the afternoon.
Let Me Know What You Think
This was our very first MomVersation, and I had the best time. My sister is a hoot and such a joy. If you loved it too, send me an email at Katie@KatieHedrick.com and let me know. I would love to bring more real-life moms onto the podcast.
And if your day today looked a little like one of ours, remember: you’re not the only one. Find the root, tell yourself the truth, say you’re sorry when you need to, and give yourself some grace. Then go plug in the Crockpot.
Want more encouragement? Download my free 5-day devotional, Joyful Moments with Jesus, at KatieHedrick.com/Devo.