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Welcome back to the podcast, sweet friend! Today we are deep diving into four things that hold us mamas back from being who God created us to be. We’re going to take a look at some common fears and limiting mindsets and I bet that at least one of them, probably more than one, will resonate with you. And it’s my hope and prayer that this episode will help bring some freedom and peace to your life as we dig deeper into some tough things and do some deep work around them!
I gotta be honest here. This episode is probably going to sting just a little. It should. It’s meant to be convicting, but it’s NOT meant to be shame inducing. We should always be asking God to search our heart and show us what’s lacking or what’s untrue, and asking him to show us a better way, so that we can partner with him to make changes where we need to, so that we can walk out HIS better way with wisdom and grace! Just like with everything else in our lives, partnering with God is always the best way and will result in the most growth and fulfillment!
Okay… let’s dive into a hard, but necessary and important topic today…
So…
What are fears and limiting mindsets? What am I even talking about?
These things are harmful beliefs that do NOT bring out the best in us or in anyone around us. In contrast, they are things that can evoke thoughts, emotions and actions that are the exact opposite of who we truly desire to be, of who we know GOD CREATED US TO BE!
These things can cause us to deceive ourselves and others, in a powerful, often hurtful way and though we may not realize it, they are holding us back, and holding our family back in the process. You could even say these things are “blocking the blessings” in our lives. They do not bring glory or honor to God and they are not serving us or our family. Simply stated, these are things in our lives that NEED TO GO, mama friend. Don’t worry. We’re going to talk about the HOW pretty soon!
You might be wondering… where in the world do these fears and limiting mindsets come from?
The answer seems a little shocking, but honestly, it’s not surprising.
Most often, these things are LEARNED… Yep, the common fears and limiting mindsets we’re about to go through are most often LEARNED… from our parents, other family members, friends, co-workers, heck… even church members.
Let that sink in for just a minute.
If fears and limiting mindsets are most often LEARNED, then what does that mean for you and your family?
You might have guessed it… it means there is a HUGE responsibility on your shoulders to NOT pass on the same fears and limiting mindsets that YOU are holding to your KIDS!!
Repeat after me….
“It’s my responsibility to NOT pass MY fears and limiting mindsets on to MY KIDS.”
It’s also possible that some of us may have DEVELOPED these things as defense mechanisms for the way we were treated at one point in time or another, but even in those situations, our fears and limiting mindsets were still learned to some extent. Somewhere along the way, we observed someone else believing or behaving in the way that we are now.
Pretty wild, right!?
Sister, in case you didn’t already know, fear does NOT come from God. In fact the Bible says that quote “God did NOT give us a spirit of fear, but rather one of power, love and a sound mind” in 2 Timothy 1:7. So, fear and limiting mindsets don’t come from your Heavenly Father and frankly, they have no place in your life. If you’re currently embracing fear or limiting mindsets of any sort, sister, it’s holding you back.
Ready to face your fears and limiting mindsets, mama?
There are four really common fears and limiting mindsets that seem to get us: Stress and Anxiety, the Fear of Inferiority, or the Feeling that we are “Less Than” as a woman, as a wife and as a mom, Discontentment and the Comparison Game, and a Poverty or “Lack” Mindset.
Let’s look at stress and anxiety first…
Stress nips at us constantly, doesn’t it? One things for sure, we’re not alone in dealing with it. We get stressed about being stressed and we fear the feeling that stress is coming. Well, mama friend…. It’s coming. It’s normal and it’s actually nothing to fear.
The same with anxiety. Anxiety really is nothing more than us buying into the lie that we should be afraid.
Some of us are so busy buying into the fear and the lies that we’re left with no time to live our actual life. Maybe you relate?
God didn’t give you a spirit of anxiety and I don’t believe that he’s up in Heaven just dumping stress into your lap. It’s just a natural part of living this life. In fact, the amount of stress and anxiety in our life is actually a direct result of our choices and it’s a direct result of the way we choose to react or respond in situations. Ouch!
What if you stood ready to respond instead of react when it comes to stress and anxiety in your life? What if you took control of the stress and anxiety in your life by acknowledging that you have control over the stress and anxiety in your life? What if we looked at it as a choice, as a fear that we DID NOT HAVE TO EMBRACE?!
Let’s talk about the fear of inferiority.
“I’m failing as a mom. I’m definitely not as good of a mom as so-and-so.” Does that ring a bell? Cue the #MomGuilt.
How often do we fear that we’re completely falling short as a mom? We’re completely failing and screwing up our families? We’re not as “on top of it” as the rest of the moms? Anyone? I’ve been there too.
Imposter syndrome, feeling less than, feeling like we’re not “enough”…
Call it what you will. As moms, we fear it.
Here’s the thing….
We ARE inferior! We alone are not enough. We alone ARE “less than.”
But God. He saw fit to redeem and restore us. He saw fit to make us whole and complete through his love and saving grace. He SEES fit to come beside us and to help us walk out our purpose and our calling as mamas.
It’s so beautiful that in our weakness, Christ is made strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11 says…
“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses (or my inferiority), so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Sweet friend, if God called you to this mama thing, then in His strength and with His help you are capable of carrying it out.
God doesn’t choose the qualified, He qualifies the chosen. That’s the truth. We see over and over again in scripture where God chooses and uses the most unlikely heroes to advance his Kingdom. He’ll do the same through you as you serve in your first mission field, with your family!
You don’t have to do it just like anyone else. You aren’t being measured against anyone else. It’s just you and the Lord. And he says you are called and chosen and with him by your side, you are equipped. When you begin to seek God’s character and holiness and strength MORE than the fear of inferiority, life as you know it will change.
You don’t have to speak it, claim it or identify with it anymore, sister friend. Here’s your permission to NOT embrace the fear of inferiority.
Next, let’s tackle some limiting mindsets. Up first? Discontentment and the comparison game.
Embracing a mindset of discontentment, via the route of playing the comparison game will inevitably lead you down a path of doubt, guilt and shame, mama friend. This one is a big one, and it’s an easy trap to fall into.
If you truly want to limit yourself, then just start comparing yourself with others and you’ll find yourself in a place of ultimate discontentment.
Let me just say this… God made you unique! Why in the world then, do we try to be copycats and compare ourselves with others?! There are literally no two people in this world who are just alike. We are each special in every way and each of us, as moms have a voice that matters in our home AND in the world. Knowing and believing this will help us squash comparison.
Someone else can be a mom, but NO ONE else can mom that way that YOU mom… so WHY then are you comparing yourself to other moms? Why are we choosing to be discontent with who we are and where we are and how we supposedly don’t measure up?
Sweet friend, comparison and discontentment are poison. So what’s the cure? What’s the antidote?
Gratitude and contentment. Being okay with who, where and how we are. Repenting when we’re not. Praying blessing over those we’ve compared ourselves with… Asking God to make our hearts soft and clean when we’ve screwed up and fallen prey to a mindset of discontentment and participation in the comparison game.
The fourth and final thing is so ugly, yet it’s one that consumes so many women, and most of the time, they don’t even know they have it. Or if they do know, they pretend like it isn’t there.
It’s the “Lack” Mentality, and it stems from a scarcity or poverty mindset.
Have you ever said or thought something like this…
“I don’t have the time.”
“We don’t have the money.”
“There’s no way we could ever do that.”
“I tried it in the past and failed. There’s just no way of making it work. I guess it wasn’t in the cards for us.”
“I’m not a confident, patient or consistent person. I just don’t have it in me.”
FRIEND!!!! These are statements showing a LACK mindset and they will keep you SO SUPER STUCK!!!
I want you to think back through your life. WHERE did you see this stuff?! WHERE did you hear this stuff?! Do you realize that it planted seeds in you?
Seriously, we need to dig deep and discover the reasons WHY when we harbor a lack mentality. Is it from actual experience? Was it learned or observed from a parent, a friend, a spouse? Or is it based out of fear?
Wherever it’s coming from, what is the TRUE story? If you actually experienced true lack or poverty, girl you made it out alive. If you learned or observed it or if it’s based out of the fear in your head, try telling yourself the true story instead.
God says…
Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)
He says…
The wildflowers don’t toil, and the birds don’t worry. They are provided for and they trust that their needs will be met. So WHY IN THE HECK do we embrace this scarcity mindset as if the LORD couldn’t or won’t provide for us?!
Now, I’m not saying that you’re going to have some supernatural provision to meet all your needs and pay all your bills. I’m not saying a check is going to show up at your door randomly. It might… God does work in crazy ways sometimes!
The answer lies within seeking wisdom and work. You’ve probably heard the saying “Pray like it depends on God and work like it depends on you.” It’s true.
God can and will meet all of our needs, but I don’t believe that he rewards laziness or foolishness. For example, when my husband and I hit rock bottom financially early in our marriage, I seriously thought our lives were over. I developed a lack mentality and a scarcity mindset. I was terrified that we couldn’t keep our utilities on or food on the table.
We came to a place where we had no other choice but to hit our knees and seek God‘s wisdom with everything in us. He began to teach us lessons about frugality, money management and hard work.
We took action in that we stopped eating out, cut all subscriptions that we did not need, and sacrificed our “wants” during that season and only made purchases that were absolutely necessary. We worked harder than ever on ourselves, on our marriage, and our finances. We got smart and strategic and we made it out alive. In that tough season, we learned what we needed to learn to kick the lack mentality to the curb. All it was doing was putting God in a box. It was us believing that our needs couldn’t or wouldn’t be met.
When we chose wisdom and action instead, and when we learned the lesson of what it meant to be faithful with what we’d been given, when we chose to trust and be generous, even when it was super scary, a crazy thing happened. There became an abundance in all different areas of our lives.
Sweet friend, there will always be enough. Our needs will always be met. Our Father promises us so.
John 10:10, Jesus says “I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.”
It’s one thing to be frugal and smart in all areas of your life. It’s a whole other thing to live your entire life with a poverty mindset and lack mentality. Did Jesus not come so that you could have life to the full?! That’s what he said. That’s his words, not mine!
We are called to an abundance mindset. We’re called to be good stewards, yes. And we are also called to be generous and giving and have this abundance mindset!!!
Those voices in your head telling you to embrace scarcity. Tell them to shut up! Shut down that chatter and cover it with the truth!
STOP telling yourself there’s not enough time, money, resources, talent. Stop telling yourself that you’re not confident or not smart enough. Stop telling yourself there’s not a way to make it work. Girl, there’s a way! Get off social, sell your stuff, ask for help. Embrace your confidence. Lean into the LORD and what he HAS given you. THERE IS A WAY! The poverty, lack mentality is a limiting mindset that has GOT to go. Great faith and an abundance mindset are what you replace it with.
Sister, your faith and an abundance mindset can move mountains. And your doubt, your lack mindset can create mountains. What have you been creating mountains of doubt around? Where are you thinking small and scarce? How are you putting God into a little box with that mindset?!
**PRAYER:
Heavenly Father, help us release the lies of a lack mentality. Because you are infinitely more, completely capable of meeting our every need, of filling us with your spirit, your truth, your courage, confidence that comes because your word says that with you- we are capable of doing all things. Help us to see and to shift to an abundance mindset. You sent Jesus so that we could have life to the full! Thank you, Father, for your provision, protection, blessing and favor. We receive all the good things you have for us. In Jesus’ name!
Sweet friend, the truth about your fears and limiting mindsets is that it’s time to DITCH your fears and limiting mindsets!
These things don’t come from God. Wherever you’ve learned them or picked them up from, STOP identifying with them. It’s holding you back from all that God has for you and your family when you choose to embrace fear and limiting mindsets over the truth. We’ve got to recognize that and claim the power over that! There’s a better way, sister.
It’s time for some course correction…
Even though your fears and limiting beliefs were most likely learned, or developed as a defense mechanism, AND even though you probably feel most comfortable continuing with your current pattern, it does NOT make it okay to keep living your life the same way. It’s NOT okay to stay stuck where you are.
Proverbs 26:11 says, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.” Fools don’t learn their lessons from the mistakes they make. They continue doing the same foolish things over and over again, to their own destruction.
Mama friend, now that you know better, you’re expected to DO better. The most dangerous place you can be at in your life is stuck and stagnant, content in your comfort zone despite KNOWING you were made for more.
Be honest with yourself, you want to grow, you don’t want to stay stuck. No matter what you’ve been told, how your family has treated you or what they’ve taught you, your past situations, the lies and fears that you have believed… Deep down inside, you know that God created you for continual growth.
In fact, He’s called you to pursue holiness! And the coolest part is that no matter where you are, no matter where you’ve been, He is gracious and He makes all things NEW! He allows us to seek wisdom and truth, course correct and try again. His way is infinitely higher and better than ours.
So how do we course correct and get back on the right track? On the path that God has for us? How do we break FREE of the stuff in our head that’s holding us back? I’m so glad you asked!
We take personal responsibility and we own our fears and limiting mindsets right here and now. We stop blaming other people and past situations. And we make the choice to grow forward…. Beyond the way that we’ve been behaving and beyond the things that we’ve been believing.
And then…
We trade it in our fears and limiting mindsets for God’s truth and his better way of living and thinking. We close our eyes, we take a deep breath and we visualize ourself handing over this pile of heaviness to our Heavenly Father.
My kids love to hunt for geodes. They are these big, heavy rocks that we have here in Iowa. And when you break them open, they sparkle inside. Sometimes one of my kiddos will find one that’s really pretty inside, it’s appealing so they want to hang on to it. And as we walk along, the rock gets heavy in their hand, but they don’t want to hand it over to me, so we keep walking along until they just can’t handle the heaviness anymore. And then they finally let go of the heavy rock and they place it in my hands. And when they do, they can breathe again, they can rest and relax again. The heaviness is gone. And their hands are open and they are ready to receive something NEW at that point.
When you trade in your fears and limiting mindsets, when you hand them over to God… mama, get ready to receive blessings like you never have before!
Remember the woman at the well? All her dirty laundry came to surface face to face with Jesus, just like us when we sit before God with the junk in our mind, our fears and limiting mindsets. Jesus gently told the woman “here’s a better way. Now you know. Take this wisdom and make this change in your life, because I love you and want the best for you!”
Your Heavenly Father is waiting for you to hand the heaviness over to him so he can do something new and beautiful in your life.
The Bible says “you know better now” and “to whom much is given, much is required.” You’ve just been given a big helping of wisdom, now it’s time to go do something good with it! (Colossians 3:8 and Luke 12:48)
Sister friend, you have some homework today! Let’s take this podcast episode and back it up with ACTION and move your life forward. Yes and Amen!
When you turn the podcast off, go grab a sheet of paper and list out the fears and limiting mindsets that you’re clinging to right now. We talked about four different ones today. It might be some of those, or it might be something totally different. Some other heaviness that you’re just carrying around to the point of exhaustion. Your hands hurt. Your heart hurts. Whatever it is, write it down.
And then….
Go search the Scriptures to see what God says about those things you’re hanging on to. The Bible tells us to “take every thought captive” and to “renew our mind with truth,” (2 Corinthians 10:5 & Romans 12:2).
Look up the fears and mindsets you’re believing (in most Bibles, there’s a topic index in the back) and write down verses and truth about those things. And then read through those verses until you believe them with your innermost being. Read them until you’re ready to actually hand the heaviness over to God. And then swap out that stuff for God’s better way!
God’s way of living and bearing good fruit can transform every fear and limiting mindset that you’re holding on to right now. It’s time to rewrite your story, Sister! You know I’ll be here cheering you on.
