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I watched her juggle a baby, a toddler, a coffee and a shopping cart.
“What do you do?” The clerk asked her at the checkout.
She replied “I’m just a mom.”
“Just a mom” like it was a simple thing, an unimportant thing.
“Just a mom” who was doing her very best at juggling motherhood, marriage, friendships, finances, dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, late nights and early mornings.
“Just a mom” who mended torn jeans and battered toys and broken hearts.
“Just a mom” who sacrificed to make sure her family’s needs were met before her own.
“Just a mom” who daily went to battle on her knees praying protection and blessing and wisdom over her family.
“Just a mom” who fell into bed each night exhausted, yet rose early again to serve her family well.
“Just a mom” who struggled with feelings of mom guilt and sometimes felt like crying, even though she was actually doing a hard thing and an important thing every single day.
She was me.
And she is you.
YOU are so much more than “just a mom.”
You are unique, beautiful and wonderfully made.
You have talents and passions and dreams that are important.
You are making sacrifices and serving your family well. You are the glue that holds it all together, mom.
When your family feels like their whole world is falling apart, you know who they need?
Just their mom.
Just YOU, mom.
Thank you for doing the job that only you, just you, can do.
From one mom to another…
You are so much more than just a mom. To your family, and to your creator, you are everything.
#MomGuilt
Have you ever thought about it like that before? Oftentimes we’re so busy carrying the heavy weight of mom guilt, (which if we’re being honest is usually self imposed) that we forget to take a look at the truth.
We lose our cool over something small and raise our voice at the kids. Cue the #MomGuilt.
We let our kids watch too much TV or make dinner out of a box or feed the baby formula instead of breast milk. #MomGuilt
We spend some extra money to buy our kids the cool thing that all the other kids have, just to have it tossed aside and forgotten about a few days later. Shouldn’t have done that?! #MomGuilt
We worry, question, doubt and fear. “Are we doing enough of this or too much of that?” #MomGuilt
We make pretty much any wrong parenting choice and then look back at it with 20/20 hindsight. #TotalMomGuilt
The Melt Down…
The #MomGuilt builds to the point that it’s unbearable. Then comes the melt down. I’m not talking about your toddler having a meltdown in the grocery store candy aisle… Nope, I’m talking about the MOM melt down.
Have you ever seen the movie Mom’s Night Out?
Side note: If you’ve never seen it, you totally should! You will laugh, cry, and then laugh until you pee your pants. And at the end, you’ll cry again for sure. The movie is full of sweet moments and rich wisdom.
In one particular scene, the husband walks into the bedroom to find his wife sitting on the floor of their closet eating chocolate and crying. The (clueless) husband attempts a short conversation with his wife, to which she replies “I’m stress-paralyzed.” Yep… she’s smack dab in the middle of a mom melt down.
I know you’ve been there too.
It might feel something like you’re trying to juggle allllll the balls but they just end up flying everywhere, out of control. It might feel like failure or it might feel like you’re drowning, crushed from the weight of responsibilities.
I’m with you, sweet friend. I’ve been there.
When the mom meltdowns come (and they are sure to come sometimes) the BEST way out is to take a look at the truth.
Is your #MomGuilt or melt down stemming from playing the comparison game? Are you believing that some other mom has her life perfectly balanced and all together and then feeling guilty that you don’t?
Truth Bomb! Don’t let yourself believe the lie that “balance” actually happens in real life. No one has it all figured out. No one actually has it all together (even if Instagram makes it look that way). We all put our pants on the same way and we have all struggled with mom guilt! Knowing the truth sets you free!
Here’s a perfect example of mom guilt, followed by a melt down…
I once spent over a year planning a family vacation. Yep, I’m a planner. I booked our days full from daylight until dark. We were going to see and do it ALL. The only problem was, with a 2, 4 and 7 year old in tow, that schedule left my crew totally exhausted. By day 2 of the trip, I felt so guilty about dragging my family around that when we all fell into bed that night, I cried until I had a migraine. Total mom melt down, right? Pro tip for the young moms… schedule in some totally “unscheduled” days on your next summer vacation.
Think back to a time when you “bit off more than you could chew.”
You might have said “yes” to way too many things or created a to-do list so overwhelmingly long that it left you “stress paralyzed.” I’m over here waving my hand wildly. I’ve done both of those things! In fact, I recently did a podcast episode on stress paralysis. It’s episode #33… totally worth the listen!
The way out is to fix your eyes on the truth, and focus on solutions instead of problems…
For example, you know that age old saying “How do you eat an elephant?”
One bite at a time.
Stop focusing on allllll the things, and start focusing on the one, most important (next) thing. Take a step forward, then another. You’ll be shocked at how much quicker you get #allthethings done by working on the ONE next thing that needs to be done.
Or get honest with yourself and learn to say “NO” sometimes.
Do a quick check-in with yourself. What are you so busy with? What balls are you juggling? Are there some extracurriculars you could cut out that would allow you more time and space for rest and peace?
Maybe it’s time to step down from President of the PTO or let someone else be the volunteer nursery helper at church. Maybe it’s time to say “no” to aimlessly trolling social media for 2 hours straight.
Or cling to this truth… it’s actually okay to ask for help sometimes! Your husband, your mom, your neighbor, your tribe… they are in your corner! And I gotta tell you, mama… sometimes the answer is asking for help.
You’d be surprised at how willing (and delighted) people would be to help you out. Most people actually LIKE helping others. I totally believe that most people in this world are GOOD. So if you need it, ask for some help, girl!
Speaking of help, cultivating an inner circle of other moms who will lift you up is a great idea. Actually, it’s not just a great idea, it’s absolutely essential.
It doesn’t need to be a large group. In the words of PT Barnum in The Greatest Showman… “You don’t need everyone to love you, just a few good people.”
Here’s the truth…
One last thing mama, it’s a reminder that when you’re struggling with mom guilt or a mom melt down or you feel like crying…
Focus on the truth and let it set you FREE!
Because the truth is….
You’re a great mom, a really great mom. And you’re doing your best. You are seen. You are loved. And you matter.
Motherhood is holy work. It’s precious work. And it’s the most important work. The Good Father, he sees you and he’s saying “well done, mama.”
