Today, we’re going to be talking about how to have a hard conversation. If you’re non-confrontational, it can feel awkward sometimes but the truth is, that conflict needs to be resolved. Sometimes we just need to press through and have those hard conversations anyway.
Today’s guest is Lyncon Martinez who is the host of Gather the Gals, an online Christian women’s ministry and podcast. She’s also a registered nurse, mom of 3 and married to her high school sweetheart.
Navigating Family Dynamics and Hard Conversations
As I’m sure you can imagine, Lyncon has definitely had her fill of tough conversations in all of her roles. She brings up one story of her father-in-law who had a narcissistic personality. Everyone got along well with his mom who she described as so precious and sweet, but her husband’s dad liked to have all the attention on him. He was a heavy alcoholic, used very colorful language and she was never able to connect with him.
Her husband grew up loving sports, did great in school, and went on to play sports in college. But it was almost like if he didn’t perform, he was getting emotionally abused. Growing up as a Christian, Lyncon lovingly accepted her father-in-law but whenever talk of her and her husband’s engagement came up, the realization that this man was going to be her father-in-law was so strong that they almost didn’t get married.
Lyncon goes on to share about how her father-in-law would send her and her husband ugly text messages to the point where it was such a huge weight on their shoulders. They were always wondering, what is he going to do or say next? How is he going to act at the wedding, what happens when we have kids?
All of this came to a point where Lyncon had to have a hard conversation with her husband. She wanted her kids to be raised in a loving Christian home and didn’t want to risk having manipulative behavior around them.
There were many hard conversations that happened around this topic and even though they were hard, if they didn’t have them, it would have turned into this bitterness that would just reside in her heart and turn her into a person she didn’t want to be. They loved his dad and they wanted to preserve a relationship with him, but they couldn’t have this behavior around as they started to grow their family.
Lyncon explains how her husband is non-confrontational and didn’t want to have the conversation or hurt anyone’s feelings. But she knew it needed to be done. She knew she needed to fix it on her end to have a clear conscience and obey the Lord whispering to her that the conversation needed to be had.
From Conflict to Closure – A Testament of God’s Goodness
Her father-in-law came over and what normally would have been an intense conversation was not. He sat, he wept, he apologized and it was a beautiful experience. They were in awe of how it went; there was no yelling, he let her husband open up to him, and that was it. He quit drinking and loved his grandkids in a way that he never loved his own children. The Lord worked in a cray, beautiful way. Because they had that conversation, her husband’s mom and siblings were also able to get everything off of their chests. And then a few months later, he passed. Lyncon said it was almost a breath of fresh air because that conversation needed to be had for so long and it kept getting put off. But the Lord made it happen and gave them clarity and peace.
Psalm 32 says, “For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night, Your hand was heavy upon me and my strength was dried up. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my inequity, I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.”
And then later on, it says, “You are my hiding place, and you preserve me, I will instruct you, and I will teach you and I will show you the way you should go.”
And it’s so true. If you hold these grudges in it eats you up. And it’s not what God wants. In the Bible, it says you can speak words of life, or you can speak words of death. And so as a Christian, Lyncon thought, why would I try to hurt this person even though he’s hurt me? Why would I speak harshly to him? So going into these conversations, it’s saying, okay, God has given me all the grace. The Word of God is living, its breathing. And it can pierce the hardest heart.
Lyncon is such a beautiful soul and an example of a Godly Christian women. The way she sought out wisdom and dug into scripture just reminded me that God is ever-faithful and ever-present. And He works things for the good of those who love Him in His time. And His timing is always spot on and it’s always perfect. And we can always trust that He hears our prayers.
It is so important for us to come to Him, to open our Bible and to have those truths tucked in our heart and to gain the strength and wisdom and courage that we need from Him to have those hard conversations.
If we don’t have those hard conversations, the hurt can produce bitterness because it becomes a wound on our hearts. We run from it, we avoid it, and we put a bandaid over it. But it’s still there, and we put another bandaid over it. And that wound just keeps getting deeper and bigger, and it festers. Sometimes it’s like we need to peel off the band aids and actually deal with it.
Undoubtedly, the Lord brought Lyncon and I together to have this conversation because she just brought all these things to light, some of which I hadn’t even thought about.
If you’ve heard my story, then you know that I was a young, broken wife and mom in my 20’s, I’m not ashamed to admit it. For years, I sat in that brokenness while allowing circumstances from my past to dictate my life. With each messy, chaotic day of just getting by, I became more triggered, frustrated, and hurt. I was desperate for healing, and I truly desired a life that was fulfilling, happy, and free. I wanted to be a pregnant wife and a great mom.
But I was so consumed with anxiety, worry and fear, along with the guilt and shame from my past. It held me back. The hurt kept me stuck. I had no vision, no clarity, and to be honest, it felt like there was no way out of the monotonous hamster wheel of life that I was living on. It was dark, and it felt heavy. There had to be more for my life.
What happened next was a miracle. I heard someone say, find someone who has what you want and do what they do. So I found a mentor. I humbled myself, asked questions, listened, and learned. I learned that my past served a purpose. I learned how to rewrite my beliefs, how to transform my habits. I learned about the power of taking personal responsibility for my choices. I learned about four biblical principles that led to total life breakthrough. I learned about my true identity, purpose, and calling and I became equipped to continue growing in wisdom as my journey continued. In short, I found healing, I found peace, and I found clarity. I stepped into freedom, and everything I learned it changed my life.
Strategies for Non-Confrontational Personalities
I want to talk a little bit more about that nonconfrontational personality type. If that’s you, and you have a hard conversation that needs to happen, what can you do?
As Lyncon mentioned, her husband is more non-confrontational where she is not. She says that hurt their message because for the longest time, they would avoid them or put them off. But it something that kept coming back. It’s like this tree that needs to be moved, but instead of removing the whole thing, you just keep taking chunks out until finally, the tree just falls over. If the emotions that you’re feeling are not acknowledged, that would is going to hurt you more than it’s going to hurt the other person. They may have no idea what’s even on your mind.
So, Lyncon explains that if you’re going into a conversation that you’ve put off, start by owning your part. Apologize for how long you’ve been dwelling on these emotions or topic. Apologize if you’ve given the silent treatment. If you’re owning your part and being vulnerable to them, they’re going to want to open up and be vulnerable to you, too.
If you go about it this way, you’re not going in just pointing fingers; you’re saying, I have a part in this, too. But the biggest thing before going into a hard conversation is talking to the Lord. Pray about it and ask for his guidance. Emotions are real and it can be hard to not fumble over your words and get upset and overly emotional during these hard conversations.
The thing is, is if you didn’t love that person and want to preserve that relationship, these thoughts wouldn’t be continuously coming to your brain, into your heart; you are thinking this for a reason. God wants you to preserve this relationship. Whether it’s your in-laws, your spouse, a close friend, your own kids, or your own parents, it’s about coming at it from a place of love and working through the problems so that you can preserve the relationship.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries with Grace and Love
I want to talk a little bit about boundaries. I feel like people throw that word around, and it means different things to different people. We become like those who we hang around and we’re heavily influenced by people that are speaking into our life, because those words do hold power.
Setting boundaries is something that Lyncon had to do early on with her father-in-law. She gives a couple of examples but at the end of the day, boundaries are put in place to respect each other. If you come to them and put boundaries in place and they don’t agree with you, you’ve done your job and the rest is on them.
Again, it’s important to go about this in a graceful and loving way. How you speak to them is either going to bring them to Jesus or not and those seeds that you’re speaking from love can go so far.
So it just goes back to having open conversations. The best thing you can do is to not avoid them and don’t give the silet treatment. Nobody is going to know what you’re truly feeling unless you let them know. Just be open, honest, and truthful in saying what you’re expectations are. Communication is key.
Lyncon’s Journey with Gather the Gals Ministry and Podcast
Let’s shift gears a bit to talk more about Gather the Gals ministry and podcast. Lyncon started this back in 2023 but the Lord put it on her heart way before then. She has such a joy and passion for women and loving on them. It was something that she needed growing up. She had a good relationship with her parents, but they were her parents; they were strict, and it wasn’t a friend relationship.
She wanted Godly wisdom from a friend who she could go to with anything, someone she could be vulnerable with and she didn’t have it. The need grew more as she was going through nursing school, postpartum, all the seasons. And at 3am one morning, the Lord told her to start the community she had been craving.
She had no idea what she was doing but the Lord put it into place. They do mom’s night out, Bible studies, meetups, and they’re also going to be hosting a worship speaking event soon. Lyncon’s mission with this is for women to know that they’re not alone and that they’re loved.
So far, Gather the Gals has been more online but it has become more in-person. And they’re hoping to branch out where people can post their own little meetups. She also creates content like devotionals, mom’s night out guides, marriage guides, and other resources like that.
Make sure you go and check out Lyncon’s resources and podcast! And be sure to share this episode with a friend because I’m telling you, this hard conversation thing – it’s relatable. It’s something that everyone is going to deal with at some point. And as we talked about today, it is so important to move forward and to go ahead and have the courage to have those hard conversations for the healing of your own heart.
Thank you for joining us today and we’ll see you next time. And remember mama friend, you don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward. Just take your one next step towards more joy in your heart and home.
Connect with Lyncon!
