Today I’m going to be sharing my #1 with you for how to find the joy when you don’t feel joyful.
So let me catch you up to date with the whirlwind of events going on in my world. It’s like the eternal winter over here in Iowa, it has been snowing, blowing, and freezing. To top that all off, all three of my kiddos got sick, and I mean really sick. We’re talking croupy coughs, double ear infections, all the things. iI has just been day after day of essential oils, prayers, and medicine. We’ve made several trips to the doctor, which is just not our most favorite thing to do. We kind of have the mentality over here of allowing your body to beat the sickness on its own. But it got so bad that we did have to go to the doctor multiple times and it’s just been a sick house over here.
I just had been feeling really, really weary. And on top of all of that, my husband actually ditched his truck on the way to get medicine for my youngest at one point a few days ago. Then, we actually ditched our family vehicle going down the hill of our driveway. So it’s just been a little crazy between that, the weather, and the sickness.
Boiling Snow
Last Sunday morning, we woke up at 6:45am and my youngest came into our bedroom and said, “Mama, I went to use the restroom and wash my hands, and there is no water coming out of the sink.”
So my husband sprang out of bed to figure out that our pipes had frozen. We were without water all day long. There was a blizzard happening that day, it was 40 below zero wind chill, it was snowing and blowing, all the roads were drifted shut and no one could get in or out on our gravel road. We’re on the emergency phone call with the water company, we’re on the phone with the county making emergency phone calls every which way. My dad is out in his tractor trying to get the roads open to get the water company here to help my husband take care of and fix our frozen pipes. And my dad’s tractor actually gelled up because it was so cold. It was totally chaotic.
We were bringing in buckets of snow on the day that the pipes froze so that we could boil it down for water. (Thankfully we still had electricity). We were dumping it into these pots and pans on the stovetop and boiling the snow down just to make enough water to put in the back of the toilets to be able to flush the toilets for that day.
Look on the Bright Side
A couple hours into this process of melting snow to make water, I found myself standing over the stove, just feeling angry and frustrated, not wanting to feel that way but truly just feeling so deeply angry about the whole thing. I kind of surprised myself because that’s a place I don’t typically allow myself to get to. And my daughter, Chloe, came in, and bless her heart, she has so much of my personality and her dad’s personality in her and she was all like, “Mom look on the bright side, we have electricity and we have a roof over our heads.” I stopped and looked her in the eye and I said, “Chloe, today, it just stinks. Can you just agree with me that this moment stinks?” I just needed someone to validate that the situations, the multiple, crazy situations that we were in, that it stinks. Throw toxic positivity out the window, throw the bright side out the window, and just agree with me today that this stinks. And she’s like, “Yes, Mom. I totally understand that.” She reminded me, “Mom, sometimes when I’m walking through hard things, I just need you to sit and listen and be on my side and agree with me. Yes, this stinks. And we can look for the bright side just a little bit later. But just validate that the moment is hard that it stinks and that it’s okay.”
That moment passed, but again, I was just fighting anger and frustration and tears. And there was actually friction mounting between my husband and I, on top of all of this, because bless his heart, we have very, very different personalities. I am absolutely the plan ahead personality, the fill the car with gas when it hits a quarter tank so that we don’t get stranded personality, the plan ahead on groceries before the storm hits personality. And he is the total opposite. He’s a fly by the seat of his pants, don’t fill the car with gas until the gas light is on type, which really drives me crazy.
So there’s kind of this friction mounting between us because all these things are happening. And I’m like, we should have planned ahead, we should have thought of this, this should have been taken care of before it was a problem. I just got to a point where I felt exhausted between fighting the moment, fighting the situations, and then the flood of the emotions of just anger and frustration, and all these things.
Thankfully, we finally got our water restored on Sunday afternoon. And so by sundown that day, my kids were starting to feel a little bit better from some of the ongoing sicknesses that they had been battling, our water had been restored, and I found myself just kind of in this weird blank headspace. Really, I think I was feeling guilty more than anything else…guilty that I had allowed myself to just be in this place of anger and frustration when it really didn’t have to be that way, at least not for so long. I did not need to be harboring all this anger for so long.
Words From My Father
At that point, I actually got on the phone with my dad, and my dad didn’t have a great childhood growing up, and his father was not a great dad to him, I’ll just put it that way. There were just a lot of situations for my dad growing up where my grandfather was not the ideal, understanding, gentle parent. And I was kind of walking my dad through my day that day and how I was feeling and he referenced his dad to me and he said, “Katie, when I was a kid, he (his dad) was always angry, and it didn’t make anything better.” That hit me right in the heartstrings.
I hung up the phone with my dad and was just kind of letting that sink into my heart and soul and then I went to go warm up and reset in the shower. And after that, I melted into the couch under a big blanket, I turned on the fireplace, I cranked it up, and I was just feeling the warmth and kind of sitting in that. My family was all scattered throughout the house doing different things, and so the living room was open and quiet and I just I sunk into the couch and I looked out of our big picture windows. We have these huge, beautiful farmhouse windows with a beautiful farm view; it’s wide open. Across the road you can see rolling hills where my dad’s cattle are and there were trees and sparking beautiful snow, and the sunset was happening, and it was just breathtaking. It was so beautiful. God spoke to my heart in that moment. And He said, “Katie, you tell others to find the joy. Don’t forget to do it in your own life, for your own family. There is joy, find the joy.”
I thought back over the past few days, and the things that we had been going through and the tough moments, and I realized that there had been some great moments and some lessons sprinkled in the midst of the tough moments. I got to thinking about how my family was safe and warm, and at least somewhat healthy or on the path to being healthy again. And I got to thinking about how my kids actually thought this whole ordeal was fun. Our electricity had flickered off and on a few times, the water was going out, which annoyed me, but my kids thought it was fun to bring in and melt down the snow. We actually have been reading through Laura Ingalls’ Little House on the Prairie, a whole series of books this year, and so we were talking about what it was like to be a pioneer and just learning and experiencing that as we brought in the snow to boil. And the kids had been out sledding with their dad over the past few days, and they thought that was so fun. And it was so cold that we brought our golden retriever into the basement, and so they’d been snuggling with her. We’d done a family ping pong tournament in the basement, and we’d had time to play games together. And they just thought it was fun.
Be the Joy, Find the Joy
So I thought back over all those moments and the way that my kids have viewed those moments, and best of all, I realized that God had provided a teachable moment for my heart to stop being angry, to stop being frustrated, to stop looking at what was lacking, and to find the joy and to create the joy. I realized that when we feel like finding the joy the least, that’s actually when we need to look for it and create it the most.
So the number one tip that I want to share with you today for how to find the joy when you just don’t feel joyful, it’s this: Be the joy. Look for and find the joy, create the joy, be the joy. It’s so interesting, because most often, if not always, you will find what you are looking for. So if you’ll slow down, and you’ll look for the joy in the situation, look for the joy in your life, you’ll find it, and you can create it because you can actually be the joy. You don’t have to keep being angry. You can stop right now, you can stop in this moment, and you can choose to be the joy.
Maybe that looks like praying or soaking in worship music, or scripture or seeking wise counsel from godly friends. But there’s a way to find the joy. There’s a way to create and to be the joy even when you don’t feel joyful. You still can act in a way that’s joyful, you still can look for joy. And I promise you that you’ll find it.
Doesn’t God have a way of showing up and helping us find the joy when we least expect it? That’s just how He works. The Bible says, “God has turned my mourning into dancing and He’s covered me with joy.” Friend, I want to remind you that God is always speaking to our hearts. And oftentimes, He speaks through us to speak to us. And that’s exactly what He did for me in this moment. That’s what He does for me through this very podcast.
Before I let you go today, I want to let you know about one other situation where yet again, God spoke through me to speak to me. And that was within the creation of my brand new anti-anxiety mini course. If you’re feeling anxious or worried or overwhelmed, even if you’re feeling angry, I want to invite you to go ahead and enroll in the Anxiety Antidote mini-course. It’s a bunch of audios that you can listen through in less than one hour, and I promise you that it’s going to help you turn your day around, turn your life around. It’s going to help you stop the anger, it’s going to help you stop the anxiety, the overwhelm, the frustration, and it’s going to help you look for, find, create, and be the joy.
