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Today’s episode is extra special because we’re not only going to be talking about how to help when your teen is struggling with mental health issues and depression…but we actually get to talk with a teenager who has journeyed through that exact scenario.
Who is she? Shannon Monet is 16 years old. She is extremely focused and desires to make a positive impact on today’s, and the next generation. Shannon has found her value and purpose. She believes no one should be left alone, or feel alone. She wants her story to help the lost find their identity. She believes everyone has their unique purpose and should work to walk in that purpose. There are many suffering from suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, fear, and more. Her goal and purpose are to use her voice through social media, graphic design, and capturing visuals on YouTube. She has an incredible and undying love for people and wants to be a light in this very dark world.
It was so great to have Shannon on the podcast, and I think, outside of my own kids, she might be my youngest guest ever! So it was so fun to get to have a teenager on the show, and as I said earlier, to not only talk about how we can help our teens but to be actually talking with a teen who has walked this journey is very exciting to me.
When Shannon first reached out to me, I was so captivated by three different things. Number one was her professional approach and her willingness to actually reach out. She has excellent communication skills, especially for her age. And secondly, her engaging YouTube videos. I went and took a look at those and they are so fun and just absolutely captivating and packed with value. Plus, she’s adorable and just very engaging on top of all that. And then number three was her personal story; it’s so incredible and impactful that she’s willing to share that. So I’d like to just start right there by having Shannon walk us through her personal story and share about how it led down the path of wanting to help other teens and parents.
Shannon’s Story
Shannon moved to a new school for fourth and fifth grade, and she explains that it was a total shift from the atmosphere of her previous school that she was at. It was less welcoming, less diverse, and there was really no love there. She was the new girl who was unique and different, and they saw that. Shannon shares that that caused her to be instantly rejected and alone. For years, she was the kid on the playground that no one wanted to play with or talk to. She was the kid who sat alone, the kid who was bullied and teased and everyone always pointed out her flaws and imperfections. She was the outcast and the more she tried to live up to their standards, the more she tried to please them and mask who she was, the more they saw past who she really was inside and out. Shannon shares that she lost herself and didn’t even know who she was. She says she couldn’t recognize the pure person who she saw in the mirror every day. The light inside of her that she carried as little girl grew dim, and the boldness that she carried turned into fear, anxiety and depression. And over time, after carrying that unhappiness, suicidal thoughts developed in her mind.
Shannon mentions one time where she thought she had friends but in reality, they backstabbed her, they were talking about her negatively behind her back, which made her hurt even more, leaving her more lonely. And every negative statement they said about her, she heard it and accepted it everywhere. It shaped her false identity. She says it was so painful to see everyone else with their friends as she went day by day alone and apart from the others. She felt worthless.
Searching for Peace
Shannon then turned to music, thinking that it would satisfy her and that longing in her heart, to not feel alone and to fill it up. The type of artists she listened to experienced different feelings like her, like depression and suicidal thoughts. And Shannon shares that she was not aware of what doorways she was opening up. She was constantly listening to the lyrics that said, I’m depressed with my life, and she was feeding her spirit with that.
Other than music, Shannon says she tried to cope by going into toxic friendships with people outside of the school. And even in a room full of people, she still felt lonely. There were so many areas in which she was searching for peace. However, what she thought was bringing her peace was really only temporary. She wanted an eternal peace but listening to depressing artists and having toxic friendships only helped her for a temporary amount of time. She found herself getting more and more depressed. And she realized what was really keeping her there and pulling her through was talking to God. The times where she truly had peace was during recess. Shannon says that she used to talk to God and quiet the noise around her, like it was only her and Him. There was a running track on the playground, and she used to walk there and just talk to God. She didn’t care what was around her, who saw her, who heard her.
God Reveals Himself
One night, on July 18th, four years ago, Shannon was 11…and she wanted to end her life. She grew tired of looking at herself. She didn’t like her skin complexion, she felt worthless, invisible, and not important. She was tired of being the kid who was rejected, tired of being different, and tired of being depressed every day. Shannon felt like she had no one to turn to, and she wished that she was either someone else or dead. She shares that her hope was gone. Shannon tried hiding that pain in front of her family, and it was really at that moment when she started to doubt God. She questioned if He was real, and if He was real, why did He make her different? Why didn’t He make her like everyone else in her school. She didn’t want to be the kid who was labeled as different and she was tired of living in her skin. She just wanted it all to be over. Shannon shares that she thought, “What’s the point of even living?” She didn’t want to keep going on with the pain. She didn’t know how she would end her life, she just wanted to do it.
Shannon goes on to say that she ended up crying in her bedroom and her mother was in the other room folding clothes, and suddenly she heard footsteps. So she dried her tears so that she wouldn’t see that she was crying. Her mom came over to her and she started praying for her. She didn’t hear that she was crying, and she didn’t know what Shannon had been through at school. So she knew this was nothing but God. She says “I knew that He was real from that moment.”
Shannon shares that when her mom started praying for her, God showed her a vision of Shannon sitting alone at the lunch table. And when she told her that, she could do nothing but cry because she never told her everything she had been going through. She never told her about the bullying that she went through, it was all a secret that she just kept to herself. Shannon says that it was really that night where God revealed to her that He was with her the entire time. And He used her mother as a vessel to speak to her that if she never went in her room that night, she would have died by suicide. And if she died by suicide that night, Shannon wouldn’t be where she is today.
As Shannon was telling me all of this, I was sitting here, like with goosebumps and on the verge of tears because I think her story is so relatable. I think it’s relatable to a lot of moms who actually, many years back as they were in school, have felt the way that Shannon felt and experienced the things that she experienced, and parents today that have kids walking through that same thing. Because it is hard. The world today is full of darkness and evil and so many things Shannon spoke about from people bullying and being mean and saying things and planting seeds which put beliefs in our heart and our mind. And there’s so many broken and hurt people out there. You’ve probably heard the saying, “Hurt people hurt people”, and I think a lot of times these kids are saying and doing these things out of hurt, out of brokenness, out of jealousy. I really believe that the reality is that nobody has a perfect life and nobody has a perfect home. And these kids are going home to broken homes and they’re hurting. And it’s coming out of them as harsh, terrible words, and it’s planting seeds in people like Shannon and so many others of our youth.
It’s incredible to me, but not surprising to see God’s hand on Shannon’s life, throughout her whole story, and how beautiful that He worked through her mother. As a parent, that gives me so much hope to know the power of prayer and to know that even though our kids are hurting, and walking through hard things, that prayer is still so powerful, and that it works. And it can be used as such a good vessel and a good tool.
Shannon mentions that she was in church in her entire life, ever since she was a baby. So those seeds were planted in her life early on, and that gives me hope, just to know that as parents, if we’re taking our kids to church and pouring into them, reading and quoting scripture, playing Christian music and talking about Christian values, all that stuff is also planting seeds in our kids to combat some of those dark seeds that are being planted as well. And I believe that Jesus and the truth and the light will always overcome the darkness. And so just a side note and encouragement to the parents to keep planting those seeds. Keep praying for your kids, keep taking them to church, because it really does matter.
Stepping into God’s Calling
After that moment with her mom in her bedroom, Shannon says that really was the turning point for her. She says she realized that she does have purpose, and God is real. And at that point, she was going to do whatever He needed her to do. And it took her about three years to get into what she’s doing now, but it’s really all because of Him. Shannon says that she is really shy and honestly doesn’t like doing things like this but she knows that God has called her to it, so she has to do it.
I just love that and I have to tell you a secret…God will sometimes use the very thing that is not your favorite thing or that you feel afraid of or that you feel like you’re not equipped for, He will so often use that for good. I speak from that with firsthand experience. Public speaking is very outside of my comfort zone, and God called me to step into that to reach people and to share His message. And I see Him doing the same thing with Shannon. And it’s so cool because we have to rely on Him and His strength and trust and believe that He’s going to equip us to carry that out because we could not possibly do that on our own, right?
Mental Health Triggers for Teens
Shannon has really spoken a lot about some of the issues that our teens may be struggling with today, and I feel like the mental health, depression and anxiety that our teens are experiencing are going on behind closed doors. She says that many of them are also often struggling with issues of identifying themselves or self-esteem and body image. And she says that social media can play a big role in this because it leads to comparison and unrealistic expectations. And, bullying online and offline can also be a major source of depression. Additionally, she shares that teens are dealing with stress of academic pressure or family dynamics that can contribute to mental health issues. And all these factors can lead to a feeling of isolation and confusion which causes teens to feel overwhelmed, and unable to cope with their emotions.
I feel like social media is its own beast, so to speak. It can be used for good, but I think that it can also be used for so much harm. So I was curious how Shannon and her family handle social media and engage with it. She shares that she tries to not get too tied into it, but she releases her stuff out there and she uses it to reach out to people who she sees are hurting. She says that she tries to use it in a good way instead of a bad way.
I love that tip and I think it’s so important to be very intentional on social media, to get on to do whatever you’re going to do, to post whatever you’re going to post, or maybe to look for an important piece of information. As a parent, I know that a lot of communication happens through social media, and so sometimes we need to get on and engage in that way. But being really intentional and setting really strong boundaries is so important. Shannon shares that her mom is very involved with that and in helping her balance her life which is very important.
Parents, our kids may act like sometimes they’re annoyed or like they want total freedom, and they want to be able to just use their cell phone 24/7. But I really think that the truth is that our kids need and actually want us to be involved and to help them set healthy boundaries. And like Shannon was talking about, they need that balance and they can’t do that on their own yet. They need us to be involved and engaged and they need us to equip them to walk through that in a way that’s full of wisdom.
Mental Health Warning Signs for Parents of Teens & How to Help
Shannon shares a few warning signs that parents of teens should look out for when it comes to mental health issues. Examples of this include a sudden change in their teens behavior, such as withdrawing from activities that they once enjoyed, or changes in eating or sleeping habits or sudden outbursts of anger or sadness. Other signs to look out for are a decrease in academic performance or changes in relationships with friends, or lack of interest in personal grooming. One other important sign Shannon mentions is that a depressed teen may not always look or act depressed. They may be outgoing or talkative or happy. And some teens do this out of their power to cover up or mask what they’re experiencing out of fear and judgment. So it’s important for parents to be aware of these signs and to talk to their teens if they observe any of them.
In addition to what Shannon shared, I really think at the bottom of this, it comes down to just being involved, being engaged, having those tough conversations, and letting our kids know that we’re a safe space, letting our kids know that we’re on their team, and we’re cheering them on. We are for them, we’re for their success, we are for their happiness. Ultimately, we are here to help guide them in their faith and help them walk in wisdom. And I’m not necessarily talking about being a best friend with your kid or with your teen, because you should be the parent, not necessarily the best friend. But I still think it’s important to let them know that we’re on the same team, walking towards the same end goal together.
In addition, Shannon shares that our teens need a parent or a leader’s presence. They need you to be there beside them as they cry, vent, or even if they say nothing at all. It is also important to create an open dialog so teens can talk about their feelings and ask questions. She also shares the importance of being patient with them and allowing room for the complicated and the big emotions, inviting them to help you understand what they’re feeling, and while listening and not trying not to label their emotions as dramatic or saying, “You don’t have anything to be depressed about, you’re blessed, etc”, which is something that actually happens a lot in Shannon’s generation. She shares that oftentimes, teens feel like that they can’t discuss their feelings with their parents because they downplay the emotions that they’re going through. And it makes them not want to share anything, because they don’t feel understood. So she suggests that you validate their emotions, and thank them for sharing even if you disagree. Lastly, Shannon says to build them up by praying for them and asking God to be present in turning scriptures into weapons of prayer, and encouraging them, because depression has a funny way of making it seem like you are nothing and you aren’t doing anything right.
A few things that Shannon shared there just really struck a chord with me. Sometimes, as parents, we have a tendency to interrupt, we want to come in and save the day. We want to give our opinion and we want to give you all the tips and all the advice. But from what Shannon shared, sometimes what our teens really need is just for us to listen, to ask good questions, open-ended questions and just really listen and be patient and give them the time to share everything that’s on their heart.
I’m technically a millennial, and our generation’s attention span is really like that of a goldfish, which is ridiculous and sad, but true. And I have found that I have to be very intentional at listening no matter who I’m having a conversation with, but especially with my kids, because if they’re sharing on and on and on, I really need to make sure that I am listening attentively and focus, because I really do want to be that safe space.
I also love what Shannon shared about thanking them for sharing what’s on their heart, and also just validating their emotions. This really resonates with me as I have a 14, almost 15 year old daughter, and we’ve been talking about driver’s ed and her driver’s test that’s coming up. We had a conversation the other day and she got really frustrated at me because she was telling me how she’s scared. And I kind of did exactly what Shannon was talking about. I’m like, you might be scared but you’re a great driver. It’s going to be okay, you can totally do this, and she said, “Mom, all I really want anybody to say is that it’s okay to be scared, that’s valid.” And so holy smokes, what Shannon just shared really resonated that we don’t always have to add to it and carry on and on and give advice like we want to do but just to listen and just validate and thank them and love them and let them know it’s okay to feel that way.
Words for Your Teen
Throughout the episode today, we’ve really been talking to the parents. But if there happens to be a teen listening in today, and they’re struggling with mental health issues or depression right now, here is Shannon’s message to you:
“You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and there’s nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful, you are handsome. No matter what people have told you, no matter what social media has said, no matter what you have told yourself, you are loved and you have worth. Most importantly, God loves you. And He is always with you, even in the darkest of times. And I know, it gets hard. I know it is a battle, but you can make it. You are more than a conqueror. So don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Talk to your parents, talk to a counselor or a pastor, it’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make you weak. We need each other.”
Shannon is just a wealth of knowledge, and I just appreciate her willingness to share openly and vulnerably, and from her heart. She is full of wisdom and what she’s doing is going to make a huge impact on the world.
Be sure and share this with your fellow mom friends who have teenagers because this is a message that as parents, we all need to hear. Our teens are all walking through hard things and so I know that there is something inside of today’s episode that would be beneficial for every mom of a teenager.
Connect with Shannon!
