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I am the queen of list-making and getting stuff done. Is that relatable to you? I recently had my 37th birthday (so crazy, right?), and the day before my birthday, I was just unloading on my husband about my to-do list and all the things that I needed to get done and all the ways that I was feeling like a failure because I was going to bed night after night with my to-do list longer than it had started out as that morning. I was telling Chad that I just keep adding things and adding things and I’m working so hard to get things done and I kind of lost sight of the most important thing, which is not necessarily checking items off the to-do list. Our first and foremost calling is to live and love well, to be in love with Jesus and to show the love and light of Jesus to our family, in our homes, to our spouse, to our kids, to our friends, in our community, everywhere that we have influence and out in the world, right? That’s the most important thing is loving and living for God. And I think I had come to this place where it was like my identity had sort of momentarily gotten wrapped up once again because I’m as much a sinner as anybody else, and I do struggle with things but my identity was wrapped up in my crazy to-do list. Does this sound familiar? Friend, I am here today to tell you that you are more than your to-do list.
So on my birthday, my husband, who I had just dumped all of this on, he actually posted on Facebook and he was attempting to be very sweet and kind but what he posted actually rocked me to the core and it confirmed what I already knew in my heart and that was that I was allowing my to-do list to rule me and to be my identity. It was causing so much stress once again in my life even though I know deep down how to get a handle on this thing. But do you know what he posted on Facebook? He said, “This gal is nothing short of amazing. She accomplishes more in a day than most do in a week. I can’t fathom what my life would be like without her and I’m so proud to call her mine. Happy Birthday beautiful.” It was very sweet and very kind and loving. But when he spoke about me getting things done and accomplishing things, I thought, oh my gosh, I have made that so much a part of my identity and I’ve told everyone else how much a part of my identity it is that now I’m actually being praised for it. And it really caused me to do some soul searching and think about if that is really actually something that I want to be praised for. Like, is that the legacy that I want to leave behind? And I thought, no, absolutely, heck no, absolutely not. I want to leave a legacy of love and most importantly, if there’s any legacy left behind, I truly want it to be one that just simply points others to Jesus. That’s it. First and foremost at the end of the day, that is what is important to me.
Sometimes you just have to come back to this place where you hit your knees and you get like a Holy Spirit spanking is what I like to call it and you repent and you ask the Lord to forgive you and help you to do better. So, that’s what we’re going to talk about today and I’m here to remind you once again, you are more than your to-do list. We’re going to cover three tips for destressing your life. And actually, what I’m about to share with you is actually a part of a replay from a previous podcast episode that aired titled “Are You a “Do it All Dolly” and Totally STRESSED OUT?” And in that episode is where I talked about these three tips for de-stressing your life. So we’re going to jump into that and we’re going to talk about identifying what’s actually important and knocking those things out in record time so that you can actually live and love your family well, with more intention and more joy so that you can let all the other stuff go and get back to the most important things. You might want to grab a pen or a pencil or grab the Notes app on your iPhone and take a few notes because these three things are really important. They’re going to help you accomplish the most important things in record time so that you are no longer ruled by your to-do list and so that you can let go of that to-do list mentality and identity and remember what’s really important.
Tip #1: Tidy Up the Space Around You
I don’t know about you, but clutter really stresses me out and kind of mentally takes me out of the game. I’ve found that when I’m in this state of stressed-out-ness, sometimes my physical space is just a cluttered mess. And that really affects me mentally. And so tip number one is to look around you and tidy up the space that’s surrounding you right now. So maybe like me, you’re sitting at your desk in your office and there are papers and pens and post-it notes and books and all the things cluttering up your desk right now. If that’s the case, I encourage you, just even if you set a 10-minute timer, and just tidy up this space that you’re in right now. Maybe you’re in the kitchen and you’re looking over at a sink completely full of dishes. Girl, let me just encourage you to go tackle that sink full of dishes right now. Maybe you’re in the car and the kids have left trash and gum wrappers and brochures from band concerts and school programs and all the things and there are coffee cups and there’s maybe McDonald’s cups and gas receipts laying around. When you get home, take 10 minutes and clean out your car. Maybe you’re hanging out in the living room with the kiddos listening to this podcast right now and there are toys everywhere and it is driving you bonkers. Make it fun, get the kids involved, set a 10-minute timer, and tell them, “Let’s see if we can race and clean up this room and get it done in 10 minutes or in 5 minutes.” You will be so pleasantly surprised when you tidy up this little space around you, just the space that you’re in, not the whole house, how it will begin to destress your life because it will declutter what you’re seeing with your eyes and what’s soaking into your brain. It will help declutter your mind. It’s a little thing that’ll make a huge difference. And you can do it wherever you are, and you can do it right now.
Tip #2: Dump, Delete, & Delegate
So you know how as women we have a million things running through our head at any given second, day, or night? All hours, doesn’t matter, 24/7, there are 5 million things on our brain. Am I right? So, sit down and do a high-level intentional brain dump by physcially taking out a piece of paper and a pen and just dumping out every single thing that’s on your brain, everything that’s just nagging at you, those little to-do’s that you need to do, those doctor appointments that you need to make, the vet appointment that you need to make for the dog, the friend that you need to call and have that coffee date with and set that lunch date up with… Get all of that off your brain and onto paper. This is a high-level intentional brain dump. Again, you can do this in 10 minutes. Just set a 10 minute timer and don’t even think, just dump out onto paper all the things that are rumbling and running through your brain.
Once you get this done, then you can create a very intentional to-do list. So take a look at the list that you brain dumped on. First of all, go through that sucker. And let’s just be honest, I’m willing to bet you that at least 50% of the things that just dumped out of your brain you can go ahead and cross off your list because in the grand scheme of life, Sister, they really aren’t that important when you get really really honest with yourself. Those things that you’re like, well I kind of sorted need to get this done and that done and this done but you take a look at it and you’re like, yeah, not really. That’s really not a big deal. It’s taken up all this room in your brain and girl, it’s stressing you out. So take a look at your brain dump list, and cross off, I’d say about half of the things, the things that really don’t matter or really actually don’t have to get done. Cross those suckers off. Then you’re left with a very intentional to-do list.
From there, you’re going to do one of my very favorite things. You’re going to go make a list of your big three for today…the three things on your list that if you will get them accomplished, when you lay down and go to bed tonight, you will sleep so good and feel so accomplished that you got these three important things done. Now sometimes those three things are bigger things and we need to break them down into smaller things, right? Like, say you have a project like to create a family photo book from your last family vacation. That’s a pretty big project. Let’s be honest, that could take a couple of days to get that done. So break it down into smaller sections. For example, step number one could be that you go through and delete and purge all the photos off your phone that are not great that you don’t want to end up in this photo book. Step number two, upload those photos to a photo book creator provider, something like Shutterfly or Vistaprint or something like that where you can have the photo book created. Step number three, on and on and on, all the steps that it’s going to take to get this big thing done. And then take those three little steps and make those your big three for today. So today if I get these three pieces of this done, wow, I’m gonna make a big dent in the bigger goal. Does that make sense?
I love doing this big three every day and if they’re really really big, just break them down into smaller steps. Today I’m going to do these three small chunks and tomorrow I’m going to do these three small chunks. And then the next day oh my gosh, I’ve almost got this big giant project tackled. So every single night when I go to bed, I am writing down my big three things for the next day and if I would get just these three things done, I’ll feel really accomplished. And just give yourself grace in this. Just to give you a little insight into my world and to be really real with you, as a work-from-home mom, sometimes one of my big three things is spending 10 or 15 or 30 intentional minutes with my kids away from my phone. Maybe sometimes it’s completely catching up on all the laundry. Maybe sometimes it’s creating an email for my upcoming podcast or recording an upcoming podcast or conducting a coaching session or an interview for the podcast. These are just examples and it really can be suited to you specifically and whatever’s going on in your life but having just three things each day that you can really focus in on is going to completely de-stress you because you’re not looking at that giant overwhelming to-do list that gets longer every single day. Instead, you’re only going to have three things, (you’re only allowed three), and you’re going to have them on your list. I put mine on a sticky note each day. And that’s what I’m really honed in and focused on and it really helps keep my stress level down.
A bonus tip that goes hand in hand with this tip is the power of delegating. Are moms allowed to delegate? Heck yes, we are. Let me just tell you that the Proverbs 31 woman who is oftentimes referred to as the measuring stick, which it really shouldn’t be that way…The Proverbs 31 Woman was not a real woman. Let me just free your mind and you can go ahead and give yourself some grace on that one. She was not a real woman and she’s not a measuring stick rather she’s a guideline, a guideline of awesome and intentional ways that we can live out our days and that we can live out our life. I know some chains just got broken by uncovering the fact that the Proverbs 31 Woman was not actually a real woman. But here’s something else you maybe didn’t know, is that she delegated. She had servants, she was calling in others to help her. Oh my gosh, there’s freedom in that, yes, and amen! Delegation is huge, and Mama, you are allowed to delegate, you are allowed to ask for help. I also want to mention that sometimes it’s great to also offer help to those other mamas out there who need it, right? We’re in this together. We’re better together. And so it’s okay to ask for help. And it’s great to offer help when you can, but you also can delegate things to your kids, and to family members. If you need to hire some outside help to grow, here’s your permission. Don’t rob someone else the blessing to work in their gift so that you can work in yours. Right? One of my sweet sisters says that they may do it differently, but there’s more than one way to scramble an egg. So have you hired someone to come clean your house and they do it differently than you? It’s okay. Is it still getting done? Heck yes.
So when you’re thinking about delegation, to make it run really smoothly, you do have to take into consideration the time that it’s going to take to actually teach the tasks that you’re delegating. Whether that means helping your kids learn how to fold laundry the way that you want it done or loading the dishwasher the way that you want it done. Or if you’re a work-from-home mama and you’re hiring a virtual assistant to take on some projects for you, you’ll want to take into consideration the time that it’s going to take to teach the task. With that in mind, it will help you decide hey, this would be something awesome to delegate or not, because you’re trading time for the task that is being delegated and the time that you would have to take to teach the tasks so you really kind of weigh that out in your mind. But if it makes sense, girl here’s your permission to delegate.
The only thing you don’t ever want to delegate out is your own shine, right? No one can mom the way that you mom. Maybe there’s something in your business that no one can do just like you. So whatever you’re delegating out, just make sure that you don’t delegate out your shine and who you really are and work in your own strengths. You don’t want to delegate those things out. But some of that other stuff that’s just mundane and sucking your time and stressing you out, girl, if you can delegate it, delegate it.
Tip #3: Learn to Say No
This is where I have really moved out of the space of being a “Do it all Dolly”. Learn to say no.
Okay, some of you are already getting all offended on me already. Girl, it’s okay to say no sometimes. But here’s the thing about saying no. First of all, you need to know that you can say no with grace and honor, and the way that you do that is by just being completely honest and humble. When there’s a request asked of you and the answer is no, being honest and humble is how you say no and deliver that no with grace and honor.
When saying no, we first have to really identify what our ideal life looks like and what we are actually called to and what our own personal mission field actually is. Because this is actually going to look different for everyone and the first thing that people throw up when they hear me talk about saying no is church stuff. First of all, let’s talk priorities: God, marriage, kids, everything else. That includes work, church, and extracurricular activities. So let’s just throw that out there first of all. When you come at me with, “I can’t say no to church stuff, it makes me feel guilty”, let’s go back to that idea of your ideal life and the calling that God has placed uniquely on your life. Maybe your mission field and your calling is to serve in the church. Okay. Maybe it’s not to serve in the church. That’s okay, too. Either way, before you come at me with any form of judgment, I want you to consider this. When you think back on those priorities I just talked about as a mom, if you’re a mom, the very first flock that you have been entrusted with is in your very home. Let me just say that again, your first calling and your first mission field, it starts at home and it is a great and awesome calling. What would the world look like if parents first discipled their kids and then reached out to serve others or serve in their church or serve in their community or serve wherever else second after that? What would your family look like if you committed to saving your yeses so that you could pour into your family, your marriage, and your kids first? Let me just paint the picture for you sister… Less divorce in this world. More love, honor, peace, intentionality. More little world changers being raised up with a heart to serve. But instead, our kids see us saying yes to everything. Everything before and ahead of them, everything before and ahead, of serving in our home, and they see us stressed out, burnt out, maxed out, all the things and what are they learning from that? They’re literally learning from us how to live a life that is stressed out, maxed out, burnt out, unable to serve in our very first mission field.
Okay, so let’s circle back to talking about serving in the church. Some of us are absolutely called to do that. Some of us aren’t, it’s not our calling. It’s not our mission field and that is okay, we don’t always have to serve in the church. We’re sometimes called to serve in unexpected places, in everyday places. Heck, dare I even say sometimes in boring places, sometimes in places that we don’t even want to be. Maybe we’re in a job that we don’t love, working for a boss who’s hard to deal with. But that is the place that God has called us to serve and we’re supposed to show love and honor and the joy of the Lord there. Maybe you’re called to serve through a business you run or through volunteering at the local daycare or through everyday conversations at the gas pump or your favorite restaurant or at a local library. Walking this out, it really looks like studying with the Lord and asking Him, “Where am I called to serve? Where do I need to say yes, and where do I need to say no?”
This one has brought so much freedom and peace into my life and it’s taken away so much stress just getting crystal clear on where and how I am called to serve so that I can really protect my yeses, and that I can say no when and where I need to. I believe in this concept so much that I actually created a free resource around it. It’s called the Happy Chicks Guide to Saying No and you can actually download that for free at the bottom of this blog.
The bottom line here is that where you need to say no will look different than where someone else needs to say no and that’s okay. But it’s really just about getting crystal clear on your calling, on your mission field and sitting with the Lord and asking Him those questions so that you can be prepared to respond instead of react when something is asked of you. And you’ll already know, this is something that I’m called to say yes to, or no, this conflicts with where God has actually called me to serve first and foremost.
So let’s just recap the three tips for de-stressing your life starting right now so that you no longer have to be a “Do it all Dolly” who’s completely stressed out.
- Tidy up the space around you
- Do a high-level intentional brain dump. And then you’re going to minimize the to-do list and then you’re going to work on your big three things for each day
- Learn how to say no and say no when and where you need to.
All right, let’s just take a deep breath. Are you less stressed? I hope you are. We’re not called to be stressed out “Do it all Dolly’s”. No way. We’re called to grow forward and let our light shine.
