Looking for Less Stress and More Happiness? Ditch the “To-Do List” and Implement these 4 Things Instead!

TUNE IN: APPLE PODCASTS | SPOTIFY | PANDORA | AMAZON MUSIC

Katie Jefcoat is the host of Everyday Happiness, the daily micro-podcast, a happiness curator, kindness crusader, speaker and author. She supports mostly women move from feeling hectic to harmonious because she fundamentally believes we deserve to make time for our priorities. We deserve to live a life of harmony and it’s within our control to create it.

As a happiness curator, Katie distills happiness science into bite-size nuggets for her audience. She’s obsessed with the idea that kindness is contagious and spreading kindness. Katie is especially fond of kindness cards, her brand of happy mail. Connect and learn more at www.katiejefcoat.com.

Everybody is always looking for less stress and more happiness in their lives. Today we’re going to be chatting about learning how to create harmony in our lives between the to-do list and our priorities. This is some fantastic information coming your way!

As I was getting to know Katie, I really felt like in my opinion, that essentially what she is is a “happiness expert”. So I wanted to know what actually got her started down the path of helping others in this area of life.

The Journey to Happiness

Katie shares that she has always been interested in happiness. She grew up in a small town of 1,006 people in the middle of a cornfield in southern Minnesota. She created a lot of synthetic happiness and the glass was always half full. That was her way of getting through life. She explains that what she knew then, was that living in a small town was not for her. She didn’t feel aligned or that she belonged and it was just one of those things where it was a stepping stone for something different.

At seven years old, Katie decided that she was going to be a lawyer. That would give her enough money to move out of this town to do whatever it is that lit her hair on fire. And that’s what she did. She became a lawyer, moved to Washington DC where she practiced law for a number of years, had some kids, took some time off, and then COVID.

As Katie says, it felt like a dumpster fire. There was no plan. It felt like a lot of chaos, a lot of uncertainty. And what she found herself doing, which was so out of character, was watching every press release, reading every article, scanning Facebook to see what everybody else was doing. She just couldn’t get out of this cycle of, oh my gosh, all of this anxiety, what’s happening?

At this point, Katie decided that if she wanted to change what her surroundings were, and if she wanted to change her mental health and anxiety, she needed to start to think about what she should do differently. And that’s where she started digging into happiness science.

Since Katie was trained as a lawyer, she couldn’t just flip a switch and be like, “Hey, we’re going to be happy.” She needed the proof. So, science and happiness became her jam and she just started really digging into what that meant. And then she started telling all of her friends and one of her girlfriends recommended that she just do a podcast and tell what she had learned because she was consuming so much happiness science. And later that year, the podcast was born and she’s been obsessed with happiness ever since!

What is Happiness?

I have different definitions for joy and happiness. And so I was curious how Katie personally defines the word happiness.

As she explains, it can be defined in so many different ways but she loves the definition by the ancient Greeks, and sometimes used by happiness scientists. And what they all say is that, “happiness is the joy we feel while striving for our potential”. And so happiness is really two prongs. And sometimes we think that happiness is just the first prong which is our emotion, right? It’s how we feel… contentment, joy, love, positive feelings. But it’s more than that. It’s not just positive well-being. Katie loves to focus on the second prong of happiness which is purpose and satisfaction.

Purpose is how you feel when you’re doing the thing you love. It’s that long-lasting happiness when you’re doing something that you love, when you have this sense of purpose. It’s productive human endeavors. And then satisfaction is what you have over what you want. So it’s an equation. It’s that you want more of what you have, then you want for more of what you pine for. And then that’s where you start to see this amazing harmony, this amazing happiness starts to come to fruition where you can actually control it, because you can’t control all of it.

That’s probably my favorite definition that I have ever heard when it comes to defining the word happiness. I love how she brought the word joy into that because, to me, joy is deep-rooted. And then she brought in words like purpose and fulfillment, and I think all of these things together can create such a beautiful life picture for us.

Happiness Habits

Katie shares that scientists that study happiness on a really global level will say that happiness is probably 50% genetic, 25% circumstantial, and about 25% in your control. So that is where you get to start to create happiness habits, happiness hygiene, happiness recipes, whatever you want to call it. That’s where you get to start to create what’s in your control. And Katie has four happiness habits, backed by science, to share with us that have been proven to increase your happiness.

Gratitude

People talk about gratitude all the time, and sometimes you want to roll your eyes. But gratitude can also mean appreciation. This doesn’t mean you have to write in a gratitude journal every day if that doesn’t light your hair on fire, because that’s not going to work. You don’t actually care. Right? And you’re not actually doing it because you really don’t want to. But it can be sending a text message to someone saying, “Hey, thanks for this or that” or “I really appreciate you” or you could be sending a note to your kids’ teacher or thanking the mailman the next time he drops off the mail. That’s gratitude. There’s no question, it just works. It creates chemicals in your body that are linked to happiness.

It’s incredible to me that by edifying someone else, it absolutely can and will uplevel our own happiness level that is so in our control.

Kindness

Kindness is contagious. It is 100% within our control and when we do something, like write a letter, and we put it in the mail, we get a boost of happiness. And then when that person gets it in the mail, they get a boost of happiness, right? They can’t help it. When you go do something nice for someone else, it could be giving $5 to charity, it could be buying coffee for the person behind you, or holding the door open… It could be a zillion things but the thing is, is you get to do what works for you. So what does kindness look like for you? And how do you want to incorporate it more into your daily life? Because it 100% will boost your happiness. And kindness is contagious. So you just do it around your little bubble and then somebody else does it around their bubble. The bubbles just keep multiplying. And isn’t that the kind of world that we want to live in anyway?

Social Connection

We are social beings. And the thing is, social connection matters. And it matters when you can see someone eye to eye. When we get that eye contact, that’s where the magic happens. So whether that’s on Zoom, or whether that’s on FaceTime, or whether that’s in person, social connection matters. And when you choose to be around people that lift you up, who are kind, those are the kinds of social connections that you can’t help but feel happy. They fill your cup.

Katie shares that there’s this scientific phrase called behavior contagion. Basically, birds of a feather flock together, right? But it’s this idea that when you’re around people who have a certain lifestyle or a certain level of happiness or contentment, that you can then can raise that yourself or you can be like that. And so social connection when you choose the right people, it’s magic.

If you’ve listened to the podcast at all, you know Katie is totally speaking my language here. We’ve talked a lot on the show about what I call your five tribe and how the five people that you hang out with the most really impact and influence your life and you actually become like them. And so I love that Katie talks about social connection and I think it’s so important for us to know and understand that. Also, as women, as busy women, busy moms, I think it’s really important not only to know it but also to act upon it because it is so easy to get so busy and kind of put that on the back burner. But we really do need to know and prioritize, at least once in a while, to get those dates on the calendar to go make and maintain that excellent social connection for our well-being and happiness.

Savoring

Savoring is the idea that you are really present in the moment. Katie shares that this is the thing that she probably works on the most because she is running ten miles a minute all the time. But savoring is where you really take in the moment. So if you’re going for a walk and you see a beautiful flower or you see like a leaf shaped as a heart, or whatever it is, just really savoring that moment and trying to be in the moment. That will boost your happiness if you can bring it all back to savoring.

Savoring to me really just makes me think of just slowing down and soaking in the moment. You think about some of the best things in life like when you taste really good food or when you’re just having this really peaceful, wonderful moment and people will often say, “I’m savoring this”, or “I want to savor this”. I can totally see that upping our happiness level.

Intentional Margins

Katie has this concept called intentional margins, and I feel like this goes even deeper into happiness. Or maybe we could just say it’s a different spin on happiness. So what is this concept and how can we implement it into our lives?

Katie explains that intentional margins is creating a buffer of space or time to create harmony between your to-do’s and your priorities. We use all of these ideas or comparisons like we’re spinning all the plates, we’re walking on the tightrope, we’re on the hamster wheel. And all of these to-do’s, these didn’t come up because we are feeling aligned and feeling like the best possible versions of ourselves. These came up because people are feeling stressed out and overwhelmed.

Katie created the concept of intentional margins to find harmony between her to-do’s and her priorities. Harmony is like the yin and the yang. When they’re together, they’re in harmony. When you pull them apart or when they’re completely out of balance, it’s not equal. Katie mentions that many of us try to make everything equal. It’s not the scales of justice. It’s not equal. It’s this idea that some seasons are going to be busier than others. And you can be busy and be balanced if you’re prioritizing the right things in this season. And you’re allowed to pivot, right? We get these long to-do lists, we get these grand ideas of how we’re going to shape the next week, the next month, or the next quarter. And sometimes you just have to take a step back and ask yourself, what is my greatest and highest, value? How am I adding the most value? Where are my priorities? What lights my hair on fire? What do I even care about?

I totally agree with Katie here and I think that this really begins with awareness. We have to be aware and we have to know what our priorities are. And if you’re questioning and wondering that, go back to what we actually just talked about a few minutes ago because things like gratitude and appreciation, kindness, social connection, the concept of savoring that Katie shared about… those can absolutely be some of your top priorities and some of your top values. So when you know what they are, you’re able then to implement more of that into your life. And I love how Katie said that you can be busy and be balanced or in alignment and that you’re allowed to pivot. So, if you’re just feeling in this constant state of stress and overwhelm, here’s your permission if that’s what you need. You’re allowed to pivot, you’re allowed to be busy, and to still feel in alignment. It starts with knowing and being aware of what your priorities even are and focusing more on those and letting some of those other things, some of the busy work tasks on your to-do list…letting them go.

It doesn’t matter what your priority is but you have to identify it. And then, what’s the action you’re going to take to achieve your priority? So first, you identify the priority. Second, you identify what action you’re going to take. There are a million ways to do anything so it doesn’t matter what the action is, whatever works for you. But it’s this equation:

Awareness + Action = Life Change

One without the other isn’t going to bring a lot of extra happiness or life change to your life. It really does take both.

And then we have to give ourselves an opportunity to have a timely evaluation. Is this working? Did I take the correct action to fulfill my priority? If your priority is to connect with your spouse, and the action was to put date nights on the calendar, evaluate… Do I feel more connected or equally connected to my spouse? Was that what I wanted? Or did we just end up canceling a lot or having other things happen? Like, what’s our evaluation? Does this work? Should we pivot? Is there something else? We’ve got to do that but I think we get stuck and forget. We get to pivot whenever we want!

This conversation with Katie left me feeling really fulfilled because it’s just showing me and telling me and telling YOU that so much of this is in your control. I mean, you have the choice to be aware, you have the choice to take action and you have the choice to take it to the next level and evaluate, is this working or is it not? Can I, should I, how can I pivot to make this work even better? So much of that is within your control and so much of that is in direct correlation to your happiness level. And to me, I find that really encouraging.

Connect with Katie!