The Heart of Money and Marriage... How to Get on the Same Page with your Spouse!

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A husband, father and cowboy, Austin helps couples overcome their fears and struggles with money to achieve financial success. In less than 10 years, he has gone from not being able to afford groceries, to paying off his home and living completely debt free. He and his wife live on their West Central Missouri farm with their two daughters.

Austin and I are talking about a hot topic today… the heart of money and marriage and how to get on the same page with your spouse financially. This can be a tricky subject, but it’s an important one.

Austin’s financial journey starts back about 10 years ago where he couldn’t even afford to buy groceries. He mentions that while he did have the money, the problem was that he was overspending. He realized that his lack of money management was causing him to not even be able to afford the necessities of life and he had to take drastic action to get control of his money and put a plan in place. Austin shares about how experiencing those low points helped him to capitalize on the future of his finances in his life. Within two years of getting control of his money and having a solid foundation in place, Austin was able to save up $12,000, pay off all his debt and even buy an engagement ring!

Austin and his wife were able to start out their marriage debt free. And they immediately implemented some very foundational practices around money that they had learned by following the Dave Ramsey program, Financial Peace University. They really immersed themselves in biblical and financial practices and now, six and a half years into their marriage, they have learned not only about money, but also marriage and how the two are so interconnected. Money affects every area of our lives and having these practices in place has allowed them to pay off their home with 5 years, cash flow the birth of their two daughters, build up an emergency fund, buy two vehicles with cash and the list goes on!

The Emotional Aspect of Money

In the midst of all of this, Austin actually became a Dave Ramsey certified coach, and he walks us through what that process looked like for him. As he and his wife were immersing themselves into the Dave Ramsey curriculum and began to implement it into their marriage and lives, Austin took everything that he learned in that and along with teachings from other wise financial mentors and his own life experiences and began implementing them within his budgeting and money management practices. It was through all this that Austin discovered his passion for money and helping people with money management. He went through the training and started in early 2020 with his coaching practice. Austin shares that he has probably learned more in the past two and a half years than he did previous to coaching because he has taken what he has learned and implemented it with himself and with other people, but he’s also seen different perspectives and studied them immensely to be able to understand the psychology of the heart of money including both the financial aspect but also the emotional aspect and how it all relates to money within your marriage.

I love that he touched on the emotional aspect because I feel like intertwining money with our spouse can be emotional! Austin explains that it’s because our psychology as a person will not make any financial decision without first being emotionally driven…whether that is to seek pleasure or avoid pain. We are driven by our emotion initially to even consider buying something or spending money on anything because money is something that is very personal to us. You know, we don’t often talk about money, what we want to buy or how much money we make. We don’t talk about how much debt we’re in or our expenses. It’s a very, very personal element of our life. That’s just how we’re taught and how we’re wired. So, the emotional side of it is we are either willing to do certain things, or we’re not willing to do certain things because of how we view the money in our life. Is money a tool? Is it a burden? Is it a resource? Is it a constraint? Is it an empowerment? Those are all different feelings that we can have around money and they all will shape our decisions, our actions, our reactions to not only the decision that we make, but why we made it and how we feel about someone else’s decision around money. I just love Austin’s points on this because the beliefs that we hold about everything in our life deeply affect the decisions we’re making, right?

Walking in Wisdom Financially

When we talk about walking in wisdom when it comes to money and finances, Austin shares some practical first steps that anyone could implement, whether they’re in debt or financially sound.

The very first thing is that you’ve got to know is what your end goal is. And that may not be necessarily as much of a wisdom piece, but there is wisdom that goes into it in determining what is really the right call and the right direction for you. We are distracted by a lot of shiny objects whenever it comes to buying things, investing our money, and just money management overall. So, if we don’t have a very solid and sound vision of where we want to go, then we’re not going to make wise money choices, period. We’re just going to keep going off the tracks. We’re going to keep getting distracted and we’re not going to stay focused. It’s like the story of the tortoise and the hare. If you just try to go chase whatever looks cool, you’re not going to win the race. But if you stay slow, steady, and focused and keep consistent momentum, you’re going to end up at your final destination.

The second thing that you need to do is once you have that vision established is you need to create a wise financial plan. There are certain pieces around money that most everyone does that honestly are not right. So, seeking biblical counsel or wise financial counsel around how to create this plan, whether that be your budget, your debt snowball plan, your savings goals, your investment strategy, whatever it is, you’ve got to have a wise plan that’s going to get you there. Austin teaches and recommends against any kind of debt if at all possible, without using credit cards. He says to just focus on living from a cash standpoint and believing that you can do that.

The third thing that he suggests is seeking that wise counsel continuously, whether it’s through a coach like Austin or someone that you really trust that’s been there and done that and has the scars and the battle stories to talk about it. Having someone that can guide you through the behavior management of knowing the right decision, why it’s the right decision and why you are possibly thinking about another option is so important. We experience buying decisions every single day whether it’s buying a pillow, a candy bar at the convenience store, or a used car. We consistently every single day are faced with making decisions and modifying emotion or behavior to enact on our plan to accomplish our vision.

Money and Marriage

Okay, let’s bring in the marriage piece on this. Let’s talk about how we can bring our spouse into the conversation about money and how to actually get on the same page when it comes to money and finances.

It’s a question that has an incredible amount of answers to it but Austin mentions that there will always be some form of conflict and tension in your marriage around money. You will never ever be 110% in complete agreement all the time around money. So, how do you make it actually work? You’ve got to understand your own response to money to begin with because if you don’t understand how you relate to money, you can never communicate that to your spouse clearly and effectively. Money is personal because it’s emotional. You’re going to have your own natural tendencies to how you relate to money, how you respond to money, how you react to management, to spending, and to saving. There are so many different dynamics to it but you’ve got to understand where you are personally. Then, you’ve got to be able to understand where your spouse is. So, it’s kind of this two way street where you both have to be able to communicate with each other. And on the flip side, you both have to be able to also understand each other. It’s definitely going to be harder than it sounds.

Most marriages, they’re going to have someone who has more of what we call the nerd personality where they’re more geeked out about money. They’re more interested in the budget, and the whole financial plan. And then there’s someone that really doesn’t care about any of it. They’re just along for the ride. You might say maybe they are irresponsible and immature, but the truth is that they just don’t care as much about balancing that checkbook every month and making sure it’s tied to the penny. They want to go work, they want to go enjoy life, they want to go have fun and they want to know that it’s all going to be okay. Those two personalities have very, very different responses to money, but they work very, very well together once they understand how each other operates. And that’s because the nerd personality keeps the ship afloat and keeps the finances in check while the more free-spirited personality keeps life enjoyable and happy. So, once you understand yourself and once you can communicate that with your spouse, then it just becomes about implementing what we talked about earlier about your vision and plan. It’s figuring out how you are going to work with each other and what you’re going to do day after day in order to make that vision happen. What are the points of pain that you know you have to resolve? And what are the spots where you are on the same page? That’s what is needed to accomplish that vision.

So with all of that said, it’s important to keep in mind that you and your spouse are both individual people with very different personalities, very different mindsets, very different decision making habits, different emotions, different feelings and when you come together and do the work, it really leads to a tremendous amount of success.

I so appreciate all the truth that Austin shared there, especially the part early about how it might not always be easy. I feel like there’s some freedom in hearing that because especially as women, we feel like we’re failing at times if we just can’t get it figured out and get it right and we often play the comparison game…which will always steal your joy. It always will. But just to hear that it may not always be easy, but understanding that you and your spouse are on the same team working together towards the same end goal is so great.

Austin brought so much value to the podcast with this insightful episode. He’s just incredible. Be sure to tune in to the show to hear our full conversation and about his resources to dig further into his wisdom and teachings around this subject.

Connect with Austin!