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You may remember my little sister, Dori. She is the mama of my 3 beautiful nieces and she’s been on the podcast a few times but it’s been so long that I knew I wanted to bring her on for another episode. We actually planned on having her on in a few months but she randomly ended up here with me today so what better time than now, right?
We were recently talking about Dori’s transition into motherhood and how almost four years into that journey now, she is different than she was when she started out. She shares about how motherhood came kind of hard to her in the beginning. She was a mom that she didn’t really want to be, a person that she didn’t even recognize. She felt as though she lost herself and just became angry, frustrated, and overwhelmed.
I have to say that when I look back to our younger years, Dori would babysit my kids and she was so good with them! But it’s like when you become a mom yourself, you go from this fun side to this mom who is deeply immersed in the every day, non-stop, neverending cycle of diapers, messes, toys, all while trying to be a good wife and a good mom AND trying to carve out some time to take care of yourself. We’ve all been in there, right? Some of you are probably there right now.
So, Dori, a mom of 3 under 3, found herself in that exact space…overwhelmed, somewhat stuck, and just angry. As we talked about what that season of life looked like for her, she mentions that you never really realize how selfish you are until you have children. Of course, Dori loved her kids and loved her family, but she was just angry that she couldn’t do the things that she wanted to do anymore. She worked outside the home for her first couple of years in motherhood and then decided to become a full-time stay-at-home mom when she had her second daughter. She was overwhelmed with the chaos of getting everyone out the door every single morning when she went to work and then when she started staying home, she was constantly following her girls around the house picking up toys, angry that the house was always a mess, angry that they wouldn’t always listen to her, and angry that she would sometimes spend the entire naptime of one child’s nap trying to get another child to go to sleep, just to have the first one wake up. I mean, how relatable is that?!
The turning point…
The turning point for Dori happened when she overreacted with a discipline issue. She shares about how at that moment, she knew she didn’t want to be like that and even her husband didn’t know that she could be that angry. She felt like she was out of control, like she was drowning in motherhood and was also dealing with depression.
I think it’s so powerful that she shared that because it helps us know that us moms are not alone. I’m sure there are many of you, including myself who have disciplined your kiddos so hard that you had to come back and repent and ask them to forgive you because you did overreact. The Bible commands us to discipline but as Dori explains, she was missing the second part. She wasn’t coming in afterward and talking about it, making sure that they knew that she disciplined them out of love. And that is modeled to us over and over again in the Bible. God disciplines but He loves us and He disciplines because he loves us. And we’re called to discipline our own kids because we love them.
As Dori talks more about her journey, she shares how she got unstuck from that anger and grew into the mom that God created her to be by implementing 3 things.
1. Structure
After Dori’s harsh overreaction, she just really wanted a break and she felt guilty because of that. But she knew she just needed to change something. She talks about how she was looking into a daycare and after digging into it, she found the daycare’s daily schedule on their website. That’s where things clicked. She thought, “I can totally do this myself!”. The Lord was calling her to do homeschool preschool. And it completely changed everything. She was able to put her creative mind to work and do what she loved like organizing and planning and it provided more structure to their days. Plus, her girls love it! Adding that structure brought a sense of peace and calm and seemed to cut down on the overwhelm. It brought out all of the best in everyone in the whole family.
2. Decluttering
Dori came across some great resources from Allie Casazza and The Minimalist Mom all about decluttering. This was a game-changer for her. She went through her entire house decluttering toys, kitchen utensils, and more. Doing this meant her house was cleaner and staying on top of it was more manageable.
3. Identifying triggers
While going through one of my beta coaching programs, Dori learned to identify the triggers that were causing her anger. And for her, she found out that her trigger was her kids not listening to her. I’m sure there are a lot of mamas reading this who can totally relate. Once Dori realized that, she was able to dig in to figure out how she could set herself and her children up for success which helped her release that anger even more. She goes into more detail on this in the podcast about how she was able to uncover that trigger that stemmed from relationships years ago and how she was able to renew her mind with truth.
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This year, Dori’s word of the year is self-control, which I love and it has helped her in controlling her anger and other coping mechanisms. She’s working on taking responsibility for herself and her actions while trusting God in everything she does. It’s something that we all can and should be working on. And truly, I believe self-control is stepping forward in obedience to God and it brings so much glory and honor to Him.
The way Dori views mom life now…this girl is laughing and smiling all the time! She’s so cute and funny and the stories that she has to tell about her girls getting into things and just how she navigates those situations is hilarious. There may have been some instances where fingernail polish was involved…and food coloring…and paint, food, and oh yeah, poop. Because…babies and toddlers. She also shares a funny and candid moment about her very first night with her first baby…you’ll definitely want to tune into the podcast for that story and many more!
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever listened to. Totally a God thing that I found this randomly today! My life is almost identical to Dori, wow! I have never met or heard of anyone going through something so similar. Thank you Dori for your courage to speak about this!
Hi Brittany! I’m so glad that the podcast was relatable to you! These topics are heavy things that no one really wants to talk about, but so many people experience. The struggle is real in this season of life! But God is greater! It’s so nice to know that we aren’t in it alone and that He is always there to help us. I was so thankful that He led me to these tangible tips that changed our daily routine for good. Praying for you right now as you navigate these little years. You are a good mama! And you are not alone!